The Detached podcast
Welcome to the podcast. This is a space where I get to vocalize my thoughts and dive deep into conversations with some truly remarkable individuals. It’s not about surface-level chit-chat—this is where we get into the real stuff. We talk about the things that matter: health, fitness, relationships, and the process of breaking free from the limitations we place on ourselves.
I don’t believe in small talk, because nothing meaningful ever comes from it. So, let's dig deep into the topics that can actually change your life. I want to bring you value, provoke your thinking, and help you see the world differently.
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Sophia
The Detached podcast
Ep: 87 Mastering Your Intuition with Keyen Lage
What if the key to unlocking your full potential lies not in chasing external validation or rigidly following someone else's system, but in truly listening to your own intuition? In this profoundly illuminating conversation, ex-NFL player turned elite mindset coach Kian reveals how disconnection from our deepest intuitive wisdom creates the conditions for anxiety, depression, and a life governed by others' expectations.
Drawing from his extraordinary journey from professional football to spiritual awakening, Kian articulates the crucial difference between superficial emotional reactions and authentic intuitive guidance. "When you learn how to connect deeper to that inner feeling inside of yourself, separate from just an external feeling or emotion, it allows you to be able to get really clear about what truly is right for you or not," he explains. This distinction becomes the foundation for a life of genuine fulfillment rather than endless striving.
Perhaps most provocatively, Kian challenges conventional wisdom about masculine emotional expression. While advocating for men to become more emotionally connected to themselves, he presents a counterintuitive perspective on vulnerability in romantic relationships. "I don't believe men should be more emotional to their women or their significant others," he states, suggesting instead that men process their emotions with other men before communicating their needs clearly to partners – a refreshing view that honors both masculine nature and relationship dynamics.
The conversation delves into fascinating territory around plant medicine, nutritional foundations for intuitive clarity, and the concept of "emotional sovereignty" – Kian's term for maintaining integrity with your authentic desires regardless of external pressures. His approach to life without rigid discipline may seem radical, yet it stems from a deep connection to purpose and inner guidance that many seek but few achieve.
Whether you're struggling with people-pleasing tendencies, seeking to strengthen your intuition, or simply curious about a different approach to personal development, this episode offers profound insights that will challenge your thinking and potentially transform your relationship with yourself.
Find Keyen here : https://linktr.ee/keyenlage?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaeZ0-543i7P5-3pO8O4pogFBCpMWcC5C1tSV96dD3_TI4i0rZuw5U-M5v1AHQ_aem_kYs8Fo1a1XTNxmumSsH3qA
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welcome back to another episode of the detached podcast. Today I have kian, an ex pro athlete, on my podcast, and I want to be sure that I definitely said your name correct. Yeah, it is, it's a. It's a different spell that what we normally would spell in ireland and, uh, with that being said, I do think there is a bit of Irish in you, right yeah, yeah, there is uh.
Speaker 2:I got my name from a guy that my dad was in the military with. My mom just fell in love with the name, so it was initially spelled differently, but everybody was calling me by the wrong pronunciation and my mom changed my spelling twice, so that's how we got the spelling that I have now. But long story short yes, you did pronounce it correctly in the states.
Speaker 1:Can you change your name a couple of times or?
Speaker 2:apparently my mom made it happen, I guess, so she was able to do that I feel like in ireland you get one shot wonder and that's a.
Speaker 1:You know it's hard to do it very often though yeah, I guess my mom made it happen, so she's a determined woman so to like climb back into a conversation that we did have off the mic, I know you went and did a bit of research on where your roots are actually from, so what kind of test did you do for that?
Speaker 2:I did the 23andme test what exactly is that?
Speaker 2:a little saliva test so you get some saliva, you send it in. There's a bunch of rumors that they're gonna use it to clone people and all that kind of stuff. But because it wouldn't be mad if I had a couple of me's walking around. It wouldn't be a bad thing. So I'm kind of detached from that. But it was cool because I think anytime we can go deeper into understanding ourselves more, we can find more pride in who we are and where we come from, and that increases our self-belief. And I've talked in a lot of different podcasts about self-belief literally being the foundation of getting anything that we want in life. So I figured the more ways I can anchor into deeper self-belief through understanding myself more, through having more pride in my heritage and where I come from, then it only benefits me.
Speaker 1:In terms of accuracy. What level of accuracy do these types of tests have?
Speaker 2:I'm not sure I think they're relatively accurate. Have I'm not sure I think they're relatively accurate. I mean, I guess for me, looking at it, I don't think it'd be that difficult to really guess where I'm from. I'm pretty white through and through Northwest Europe and that's what the test showed. There was a little bit of like Eastern Europe as well, but I mean I'm not sure the accuracy. I couldn't speak on them, I just wanted to know more and understand it about myself a bit more. The accuracy.
Speaker 1:I couldn't speak on them. I just wanted to know more and understand it about myself a bit more. How relatable do you think it is to figure out where you're from and how you react to certain places and certain situations and cultures? How much do you think your foundations wrap into that?
Speaker 2:I don't know if I know what you're asking.
Speaker 1:So say, for an example, I'm half Iranian, half Irish right, and sometimes I think maybe my needs aren't met. And if I didn't know I was half Iranian and didn't discover that part of me, do you think I would know my needs would be met? Living on Irish grounds and immersing in Irish vulture, do you think I'd be missing something?
Speaker 2:for sure, absolutely yeah. You're the accumulation of your ancestry, and I mean and different traits and different adaptations to different environments don't just disappear when one generation is passed down to another. So that's why it's very important and powerful to understand your roots more, to understand, maybe, some of your own tendencies or things that trigger you or or desires that you have. Any way, you can go deeper, and understanding your ancestry is going to help you understand your own behavior a lot more so. I guess have you spent much time in iran?
Speaker 2:no, not at all I'll go before you or I'm going in a month oh yeah. So, uh, it's funny because you're like half Irish, half Persian, yeah, and my name is like Irish and Persian, like Kian is. Also, its origin is Iranian, which is kind of cool. So that kind of inspired a little bit of my desire to go. There wasn't a direct connection when mom gave me the name, but I wanted to go to the roots and origin of my name, which in Persian king of kings, is what Kian means.
Speaker 1:so I want to just go to the origin and check it out do you feel like you could fully understand yourself without connecting the dots to your roots?
Speaker 2:um, I suppose you could, but not to the level that you would going and exploring more. Yeah, no, I had. It's kind of a luxury to be able to do it. You know, I think a lot of people are living in a bit more survival, so that's not really a priority to understand themselves deeper. But my personal opinion is that the deeper you can understand yourself, the more you can understand what is not yourself and easier you're able to attract into your life what is it you want. So I think understanding yourself at a deeper level is like the greatest investment that you can make in yourself and your future how do you differentiate things that are not for you anymore, like how do you figure that out?
Speaker 2:I think the process is about connecting deeper to yourself and deeper into how you're truly not just on the surface level feeling, but what you're intuitively experiencing inside of yourself when something's happening. I think there's a difference like intuitively understanding what's happening inside of yourself and feeling are two different things, I think. Even when I describe it, when I say intuitively, feeling what's happening inside of yourself feels much more deep, it's like deep inside of you, whereas how's it feel is like very external and very visceral. So when you learn how to connect deeper to that inner feeling inside of yourself, separate from just an external feeling or emotion, it allows you to be able to get really clear about what truly is right for you or not.
Speaker 2:But I think the majority of people mistake intuition for feeling, and actually connecting to your intuition especially today's world, I think, is incredibly difficult because of how many things are bombarding us and pulling us in different directions, disconnecting us from ourselves. So I think a lot of people hear that it's important to live from their intuition and they try, but they're just living from their emotion and there's a big difference and you can go deeper inside of yourself and really feel at a deep level what you're experiencing compared to what's happening at a visceral level, and then I know when something's happening at a much deeper level inside of me. I know it's not right for me, or at least not right for me during that time, but the hardest part is being able to get connected deep to that place within yourself. That's the hardest part.
Speaker 1:How do you tap into your intuition?
Speaker 2:There has to be a process that you go through of excavating the ways of being that you thought were you or are you, and challenging all the parts of yourself that say things need to be done a certain way.
Speaker 2:And I think it's more about at least the beginning part of the process is excav, excavating, challenging all those little parts of you to say this is true or this isn't true, and not cop they giving into all those voices that say things are true or not true when you haven't really experienced other things.
Speaker 2:And so you have to go through a period where you're consciously challenging yourself and allowing yourself to go deeper, into trying new, different things that exist beyond what your current version of you deems acceptable.
Speaker 2:And if you tap into a certain level of awareness beyond your mind, you're able to understand what some of those things are that you want to do, separate from who you've been. And I say that's the connection that you have with God that exists beyond the mind. And that's when you can get beyond your own mind and all the biases that your mind has associated with different things and step into some of those inspirations that might challenge you internally. You might be like, oh my gosh, like that feels so uncomfortable to do or oh, that's not me, I would never do that. But if you can really step into those inspirations that God plants on your heart through connecting with that source, it'll give you a greater indicator as to what truly is and what isn't. But you have to go through a period of time of consciously being ignorant to the different feelings that come up when you try things that aren't aligned with that current version of yourself.
Speaker 1:Could you give me some examples of challenges mental challenges that you could face in the journey of figuring out your intuition or connecting to your intuition?
Speaker 2:Oh, it's a fucking battle. It's a battle because part of yourself doesn't want to expand beyond where it is. And you have to know that, as a human, our brains are very primitive. They don't like to change, they don't like to get beyond where they are, are very primitive, they don't like to change, they don't like to get beyond where they are. And so when you're connected to that source of God and you're aware of those deeper parts of you that are fighting change, it can be like a battle in your mind and in your body.
Speaker 2:And especially when it's like a big time inspiration or something big that's so far beyond who you are or who you've been, right Taking an action that's like, oh, I would never do that, but I know I have to do it. And it's like, oh, and that's all the tension of that. There's so much tension because that inspiration challenges who you are and I live in a constant state of tension I would say it's a good tension of constantly disregarding who I've been and leaning deeper into who God is calling me to be in each moment. So it's a constant internal battle, but as time goes on, you get better at navigating the tension and not identifying with it and not being like oh, I feel tension. Let me go back to what feels safe and comfortable, but instead using that tension as an indicator to lean deeper into whatever it is that you feel you're inspired to do. So it's a constant battle of the tension, of the inspiration God plants in your heart and who you've been.
Speaker 1:I've seen on your social media that you mentioned about alcohol numbing your existence. Would that be inside to you? Drink alcohol?
Speaker 2:I consistently notice myself not desiring to drink alcohol.
Speaker 1:That's a roundabout answer saying maybe sometimes or maybe not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm constantly open.
Speaker 2:I'm constantly open, but I just consistently stay connected to what I want to do and I talk about that deep place of intuitive understanding for myself.
Speaker 2:So I don't really have like consciously strict boundaries and rules for myself because I don't need them, like I don't need to have these strong parameters for myself to be safe or to stay connected to my intuition or what I know is right. I think some people do. Some people have to set really strict like rules because they need it, because they won't be able to continue to progress in the way they need to unless there's those strict boundaries and lines. But I like to stay open and just, instead of putting those strict boundaries, say I just consistently notice myself not desiring to do something, and it might be two years since I've since I've done something, but I'll still say it's just something I'm consistently noticing myself not wanting to do, because in every moment I'm just staying connected to what I really want. I don't really have too much of a attachment to what different things mean, because I know that if I feel that true inner desire to do it, regardless of what my brain says, it means about me.
Speaker 1:if I do that thing, it's what's right it sounds like you're a really good listener on yourself. To go back to when you were a kid were you good listener when you were a kid?
Speaker 2:Yeah, very much so. Always, always, probably to a self-detriment. Yeah, very much so. I would be hypersensitive to what I was hearing and feeling from other people. It would forego what I was maybe thinking or feeling, because I felt they needed more support in those moments and I felt like I could handle much more than the average person. So it was easier for me to kind of put myself to the side because I felt most of the people were way more fragile than me so what kind of environment did you grow up in?
Speaker 2:two parents that loved each other a lot, uh, surrounded by a lot of really good family, surrounded by a lot of good relationship dynamics. Um, not money, you know, many money. Growing up, my dad, uh, was an entrepreneur and he did his best to make something happen, and so we lived quite under our means, and today he's he's doing very, very well for himself, but during my upbringing not so much. Um, there's a lot of love. That was a big motto of my house.
Speaker 1:We didn't have a whole lot, but we do have a lot of love, and yeah, how important do you think it is for children to see a lot of love, for them to flourish into their adulthood?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think it's incredibly important, incredibly important, but incredibly important. But there's always two sides to everything. To anything that we perceive as being very good, there's always a potential negative to it as well, and so for me, example, I would much rather have a lot of love and emotional support than not. Okay, so don't get me wrong. It was such a blessing to have so much support from so many people that encouraged me to go after what I want the highest level. My parents always said, hey, you can be what you want, you can do what you want, and they didn't put me down. They always encouraged that. My mom always showed a lot of love. My parents had a great dynamic to where the environment was set for me to really go after what I wanted, for me to really go after what I wanted.
Speaker 2:But the other side of the coin is when there is a lot of love and there is a lot of connection, there can be a bit of a feeling of obligation to the people that you received, that I received so much love and support from.
Speaker 2:So there can be an internal battle of where's my heart really at what do I really want to do, and the feeling of a bit of obligation to the people that supported me so much, and so, as someone that did receive a lot of love and emotional support, there were certain things I wanted to do in ways I wanted to live still to this day that don't resonate with the people that gave me all the support my family and so going through a lot of the tension of separating from their opinion, separating from what they might think is best for me, really leaning into what my heart really wants, separate from that is definitely the challenge associated with getting a lot of love and emotional support.
Speaker 2:But, like I said, I would much rather had it than not. But I know there's there's people that have that where they feel a bit of that guilt associated with going off and doing their own thing because their parents supported them big time and they feel obligated to their parents to to act or be a certain way. And I wouldn't say that I necessarily have. I feel like I owe my parents anything which I think is a strong indicator how good of parents they were in the process, where I don't feel like I have to give them something because of how good they showed up, and I will because of I just want to, but they don't expect that from me, but I think it's a big thing. People feel obligated to being a certain way because that's what their family believes or the close proximity of friends believe at any stage in your life.
Speaker 1:Were you people, pleaser?
Speaker 2:yeah, I was definitely scared. Um, football for me was an outlet to be able to express myself in ways that I didn't feel capable off of the field. So if you had me on the field you'd be this guy's absolute monster, like he has death in his eyes, like he would just absolutely kill people. And he made me off the field and it's like this big smile and it's like these Jackal and Hyde. It's a completely different personalities and I thought, put a lot of thought into that and it was just kind of like why was I so extreme in one and so extreme in the other?
Speaker 2:And I found that there's a lot of suppression as to how I wanted to express myself to people. It took me a lot to get angry and to create a lot of potential disconnection or disagreement, because I was really uncomfortable with the feeling of disagreeing. But on the football field I could smash somebody's head or twist somebody's ankle and not have an issue with it, because it was almost like it was permission for me to do that. And so I used the sport to express myself in ways that I wasn't capable of the field, because I was afraid of the disconnection, afraid of what might happen if I'm not feeling connected with people or say something that pisses somebody off, so oftentimes I would hold my tongue off of the field. I think that term people-pleasing is really interesting, because it's more just about your own inner fear rather than like pleasing others. It's more just about fear of what will happen if there is disconnection. What will it mean about you if that person says something about you?
Speaker 1:because you pissed them off. Do you think it's avoidance of friction, though?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely yeah. It's avoidance of the tension, the feeling of disconnection. That's like the same thing. I still say them synonymously the tension and the friction of disconnection and I guess most people are afraid of. So if you can go into that headfirst connection, I think it's what most people are afraid of. So if you can go into that headfirst and that's what you know, when football got done I went on a huge journey of giving myself that permission to go into the separation from the thoughts, opinions of people around me and to even be okay with saying, hey, I'm not coming home for Christmas this year or hey, I don't believe the same thing as you religiously anymore. And allowing myself to lean deeper into that it allows for more of that pure connection, I think, with source and with God.
Speaker 1:How important is sports as, like a teenager growing up for a mom in particular, how important.
Speaker 2:Incredibly important. Oh, it allows you to connect to a certain level of your animal. I think it's lacking big time in the modern world because men have become so feminized. Sports is such a great way to connect with that dog in you and that animal that can just relentlessly compete and be aggressive and to not feel bad about it or to not have it negatively affect you if you're aggressive. So having that outlet for the animal as a young kid is so, so, so, so important to be able to learn how to channel it and to have a good connection with it rather than having to be suppressed your whole life.
Speaker 1:How do you do that as an adult if you're not playing on the field?
Speaker 2:That's such a great question.
Speaker 2:It's so, so, so, so important and so lacking in today's world with men and a lot of it is just having the courage to commit fully to your heart.
Speaker 2:Is just having the courage to commit fully to your heart Like having the courage to commit to a life that fully feels aligned to you and to go into disconnection, go into disagreement, go into your own aloneness as a man and really like discover who you are and commit to that version of yourself. The animal doesn't care about being alone, but the spirit wants an insane amount of connection. So if you have an overly developed spirit and highly underdeveloped animal, you're going to overly depend on connection, which inherently is going to disconnect you from your major life purpose or life path as a man. You have to be willing to go on the journey alone. Let's say you should be alone the whole time, but you have to be willing to go into deeper aloneness and I think that's where that relentless animal that says I'm alone on my path, I can make something happen. I can do this. I don't need an insane amount of connection to everybody to be able to make this happen. It's important for every man to be able to cultivate.
Speaker 1:How much alone time is too much alone time?
Speaker 2:That's a good question. I think it's all determined based off the individual. It's like what are you doing in that alone time? Is it alone time because you're being avoidant? Is it like you? Are you hiding behind saying that you're an introvert, because you're actually just uncomfortable being integrous with your words and how you feel in the presence of other people?
Speaker 2:I think that's oftentimes what a lot of people do when they spend alone time.
Speaker 2:Let's say they're introverted, but actually they're just scared. They get drained by people because they're afraid to fully say whatever they want to say and express themselves in a way that is integrous in that moment. So, because they live from a place of suppression, they have to process it down emotionally and they call themselves introverts. Not to say that alone time is wrong or bad, because I think it's important to spend time in your own space, separate from any type of influence outside of yourself, to get more clear on who you wanna be and what you wanna do. I think it's very important. But in today's world, if people are becoming more and more isolated, not because they just need some alone time to really process, but because they're avoiding the discomfort of human relations and like learning how to properly have deeper conversation where you're not afraid to offend somebody and you can stay in that conversation and really like let there be tension and go through some argument and be in a bit of a back and forth heated debate and come out on the other side.
Speaker 1:okay, I think people are afraid to do that in today's world because you've gotten so comfortable being behind a screen and so people would rather just say, oh, I'm introverted, instead of like actually going into the tension of disconnection in a moment of being integrous with your self-expression I had this discussion actually with one of my friends and I suggested how it's important for us to actually argue, because I do feel like it's like a relationship, a friendship and a relationship similar in some senses, and I feel like friendships nowadays will not go through the friction because it seems like people are disposable, there's too many people at your fingertips that you can go to the next person. So with the friend circle that you have, would you say you've nurtured your friendships and have you ever gone through that friction?
Speaker 2:In all of my close relationships, absolutely, and it sucks because you don't want to be in tension, because we live in a time where you don't have to experience a lot of tension, like you said. You can just have to experience a lot of tension, like you said, you can just go to the next or get an immediate dopamine kick, and so tension feels foreign, feels like something that's bad or wrong because of the access to dopamine that we have. But yeah, if you want to go deep into anything, you have to be willing to go into the tension of the disconnection, or the feeling of disconnection at least, and have an intense conversation and be willing to do that. I I think it's why I'm so good at my job and why people trust me so much is because my ability to be able to go into the tension, be willing to say the things nobody else is willing to say. I think that's why people want to have deeper levels of connection with me too, because they know that oftentimes they don't have the courage to do it, but I do, and so that leads us to feeling more connected and having deeper levels of intimacy and relationship.
Speaker 2:But intimacy can't come from surface level interactions. Intimacy is not confined to just romantic sexual relationships either. It's like you can have man-timacy with your close boys. That's very important for men, which I think is highly underrated in today's world. You can have that bromance man intimacy with, with your, your close guy friends, to where you feel super connected in a way where you feel supported. Most guys don't feel supported by other men because they're afraid to go into, they're afraid to approach guys, to even ask a guy to go work out with them or, uh, to go get a bite to eat. Like people are so scared in today's world to even just go into the feeling of potential failure in that moment, of not getting what they want.
Speaker 2:But yeah if you want anything worth anything in this life, you have to be willing to go into the tension of disagreement or argument.
Speaker 1:Why do you think men have become more avoidant with sharing their feelings and emotions amongst other men?
Speaker 2:Because of how safe we are as a world. I think it's pretty simple. It's like, naturally we don't have to be as aggressive, we don't have to be as looking for support because our survival doesn't depend on it anymore. And we have to understand that concept as men in today's world, that our world is not created for us to be anchored into our masculinity anymore. So it's not really like I don't necessarily see it as this us against the system kind of thing would bet a lot of people do. I just see it as a byproduct of the safety that the world is at this state of the world right now. It's like, yeah, we don't have to cultivate those parts of ourselves because of how safe the world is Doesn't mean the world's always going to be that safe? No. Doesn't mean that being softer because times of change actually benefit us in today's world? No. Does it mean that being softer because times of change actually benefit us in today's world? No, but it's a natural byproduct of the satiety that's been created.
Speaker 1:What do you think encourages males to keep the barrier up and not talk about their emotions in today's society? What encourages it?
Speaker 2:Men to talk about them or not talk about them.
Speaker 1:To not talk about them and to develop this alpha male existence.
Speaker 2:Well, I think some guys are just have learned that being overly emotional doesn't necessarily get them what they want, and so they might go to the other end of the spectrum and really block off their ability to stay connected to what they're feeling, or they just never had an environment growing up to where they were safe to really anchor deep into their own emotions because they were having to survive or overly accommodate to a parent that was emotionally unstable. But I stand by the idea that men should not be more emotional, but men just need to be more emotionally connected to themselves, and so men having other men that they can go to to process through whatever they have going on is incredibly important. I don't believe men should be more emotional to their women or their significant others.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask you this question. Yeah, like, how ineffective is it for a man to share his emotions with a female?
Speaker 2:Very ineffective, very ineffective. And I think there's a difference, though, between emoting and sharing where you're at, because I think a lot of guys will shut down because they don't want to share their emotions, and the woman will be like, hey, just share with me, like, share, share, share, like share the emotion, what's coming up, and he obviously knows that that's not the right thing to do, but the right thing to do is, if you're able to get better at navigating your own emotional world, you can have a better understanding of what's going on inside of yourself, which allows you to then articulate it better to your woman. So, instead of saying, oh, I feel like this, I feel like that, I'm feeling this, I'm feeling so stressed, it's hey, I'm processing something right now, I'm really going through it. I need some space to be by myself. There's nothing to do with you, everything to do with me. I'm going to go process that Right, compared to just like shutting down.
Speaker 1:The inquest of females straight away is like what are you processing?
Speaker 2:Give me all the details. And that's something she has to deal with and she has to learn to be okay with that as a woman. If your man says that, let him go do it, because why is she doing that? Because, as a woman, if your man says that, let him go do it. Because why is she doing that? Because she's anxious, because maybe it does have to do with her or maybe she does really want to be able to help him, but that's not her place to do in that moment. So she has to deal with her own anxiousness in that moment associated with that situation and swallow her pride for a second.
Speaker 2:Because he doesn't want to say that, he doesn't want to say where he's at, he just wants to be in his little bubble and and sit and think and feel. So both people in those situations. He has to be able to stand up and say, hey, this is where I'm at, I'm not in a position to interact with you right now. And she has to be willing to say okay. So the guy doesn't really want to do that and the girl probably doesn't want to do that either. She wants to pry and probe and try to get out of him something, but both people have to be willing to do that, and that's something women have to deal with, and so men have to deal with the growth of relationships now of women wanting to be equal, to be bosses, entrepreneurs and men also running alongside that.
Speaker 1:how do you find it's been kind of detrimental to the success of relationships with females taking such an active role as the man in the house?
Speaker 2:It's just not how nature intended things to be. And I think when we disconnect from nature and we as humans think that we are above nature, we will get humbled, and that's what's happening. We're not looking at nature for guidance. We're looking at the safety that we have in the world today and using that to justify behavior that's happening. But in the end, nature will always win, and the further we get from our animalistic nature because we think that we're fully spiritual beings, because the safety that we've created, the more issues that we're going to have.
Speaker 2:So in the midst of becoming non-animals, I guess you can say we have to remember that there still is that part of ourselves, and when we neglect that part of ourselves it's going to lead to chaos. Men need to feel purposeful, men need to feel like they're working towards something, and so when a man gets put behind a computer screen and he's not moving his body and he's not interactive, you can't expect him to be anything less than a passive, docile, low testosterone pussy. You know what I mean. So we have to remember that there's an animalistic part of ourselves that we have to be able to stay connected to in the midst of all this, for men to be able to show up properly in the way that they need to.
Speaker 1:Can you elevate your mental health without physical activity?
Speaker 2:I think there are people that can. I mean Donald Trump, I think, is a prime example of that. That guy seems to be pretty smart and he doesn't exercise very much at all. But me personally, I've always been very connected to my body, and movement has been something that's been very close to my heart and what allows me to process emotions and I feel good moving my body, and so it's an activity that connects me deeper with myself. So for me personally, over an extended period of time, I don't stay as connected to the level that I could if I'm not in movement, but maybe there is some people that can. I just don't happen to be one of those people. It's very important to me.
Speaker 1:Have you ever suffered with your mental health?
Speaker 2:Depends on what your definition of that is. Have I gone through short bursts of confusion as far as not having a strong mental foundation? Yeah, but did I ever label it as being depression or clinically anxious? No, I believe our mental health is an equation that each individual can take the time to solve and that's why another reason why I find it so important to understanding your individual human at a deeper level, so you can understand your own psychology better, to understand what your human needs, because if you're not living in alignment with what your specific human needs, the byproduct is anxiety, the byproduct is depression. So they're all just symptoms anxiety, depression you know the label of them are just symptoms of a greater issue happening, of disconnection within yourself. So they should be looked at as things to explore and to uncover and a calculation to understand, rather than inevitable, determinant downfalls that you have as a person.
Speaker 1:How do you set the basic needs of your mental health? What are the things that you do?
Speaker 2:Movement is obviously one of them. Fulfillment is super important. Like I need elements of fulfillment where I'm helping and interacting with people, it's very, very important. Having deep, intimate conversations with friends that are close to me is very important.
Speaker 1:How regularly would you have deep conversations with your friends close to me is very important.
Speaker 2:How regularly would you have deep conversations with your friends actually on the phone, probably two, just three times, maybe four times a week. I have a really solid foundation core group of really good friends, so we interact with each other pretty frequently, whether that's like through a group messaging or on phone calls. We're very intentional about taking time to connect. We're all very emotionally connected people and so it's not like dudes that are just talk bullshit and just talk about sports or just joke around all the time Like, yeah, we do that, it's fun to be bullshit, but we're very intentional about like connecting deeper and saying, yo, dude, how are you doing? Like what's going on, let's talk about it, let's go into it and like support each other in that, and not from like a overly emotional way, but just from like a supportive way and expansive way, and so we know that's what we need, and so we're all very good at knowing what we need and so we have those intentional conversations.
Speaker 1:Anything else on the basic needs. So you said fulfillment, anything else that you'd need to set your mental health up intimacy.
Speaker 2:You know, I I love like being connected, um, in the context of women, for sure, having some of that, and maybe I'm in a season of having one, or if I don't have one, then there's more than one, and I just know, whatever, whatever season I'm in, I give myself what I need Food Eating good, high-quality food is very, very important to me. Also, I feel the best when I'm doing that and when I have a sense of feeling optimism for what's coming. So I'm not feeling a sense of optimism, then I know that my mind can be a little bit off, but it's a lot of those. There's a lot of things right there. What are the things that switch your mind off Interacting with people? My mind's out running with people, but when I'm alone it definitely can be more active. But I think that's a superpower that I have my mind does not go when I'm with people and it allows for, like, true presence. It's a superpower I definitely have.
Speaker 2:No-transcript, yeah, for sure, it's difficult to be present when you're not connected to yourself. You know, like I feel so good in myself, right, like I feel good in my body. So I'm not worrying about how you're perceiving me. I'm not worrying about how my hands are looking or what my face is doing or whatever. I'm just here feeling you, feeling what's happening inside of me as a result of what you're saying and just allowing it to come through.
Speaker 2:So I think when you're not catering to your fundamental needs as a human, naturally you're more self-aware in a not good way, and that disconnects you from actually hearing what somebody's saying, except for from the words that are coming out of their mouth. So the more good you can get within yourself, the more present you can be with others, the more you can hear the unspoken, which is something that's why people pay me for the work that I do is because I can hear the unspoken with people, because I'm good. I got me and now I could just fully be here with you and hear what you're saying, not just the words, but the feeling, the vibrations of the words coming out of your mouth and my body. I can tell how that feels inside of me and then, based off what it feels inside of me, I know what you're actually saying. It's pretty cool, but it takes a certain level of taking care of yourself and connecting with yourself to get to that point to not have to be overly aware of yourself in the context of an interaction with another person.
Speaker 1:Was there a time where you'd lack self-confidence and you masked it with certain things that you fully couldn't engage with your presence?
Speaker 2:No, I'm, I'm a. There's something in me just a driver like I can, even if I feel not confident, I can continue to move forward. And I don't know what that is, but it's just this, this motor in me that just goes, just goes and it goes. So it's not to say there's not moments where I'm not feeling the best, but somehow I'm able to keep moving forward regardless, because that's just what you have to do. I guess that's what my mind says.
Speaker 1:It's like okay, well, they still have to move forward. For people who have coping mechanisms, who lack self self-confidence, how do they starve those coping mechanisms and really try to build their self-confidence?
Speaker 2:well, I think true self-confidence, where you're not overly dependent on the external world to feel good about yourself, comes from listening to that deeper voice inside of you. And if you've been disconnected from that, you haven't been able to take action upon that voice that exists within you, then you can't have self-confidence. And so sometimes it's even just rebelling against certain authorities that you have in your life to gain a sense of self to begin to have self-confidence. Gain a sense of self to begin to have self-confidence. So if you want to start having more confidence and being less controlled by some of those vices when you're not feeling confident, learn to just start to take more action from that voice that exists within you. But for a lot of people they're very disconnected from that voice because they were never taught that it was safe to really be connected to that voice. Maybe they had overbearing parents that told them what they wanted wasn't right or wasn't good or wasn't in line with the values that the parents believed. So they shut off that voice within them. But learning to be able to reintroduce that voice to your psyche and then be able to take action upon whatever that voice is saying is where real self-belief comes from.
Speaker 2:But a lot of people live from this place of using the external to justify an internal feeling, and that can give you confidence as long as you have those things right. A lot of the people that I work with they have a lot of money, they have a lot of status, they have big networks of people and so they depend on and lean on those things to feel okay. Now, as long as those things are going well, sure, they feel good and feel confident and they show up in the way they want to in their life. But the moment those things start to not be as solid as they were, the foundations start to get shaky. Then they start to lose that center of confidence. So you could take that route, which a lot of guys do. They take the route of just finding their confidence through the validation they get from the external world, where they build their bodies, they become successful, get status, they have money and they use that to justify a feeling internally.
Speaker 2:But to me that's like a weaker game that actually makes you fragile. That's like a weaker game that's actually makes you fragile. So you can either play that outside in approach game or you can play the inside out approach game where you learn how to just follow that voice and learn that, hey, I can make all the money I want, I can get all the status I want, I can get the body I want through being connected to that inner voice within me. And then that's the unstoppable man, the one that isn't dependent on the external to justify an internal feeling. And I think that's the best game that you can play, that's going to provide you the most power, fulfillment in the end as a man.
Speaker 2:So a lot of even people here play that game the outside in, like I feel good about myself because of this, this and this, and that's why I've gone through periods of time where I've starved myself financially and starved myself of connection, starved myself of that validation from the outside world, cut off my work, cut off the elements of fulfillment through helping other people. So I don't have to use those things to justify an internal feeling. Finding that internal strength, separate from all of those external things, is where real power is found as a man.
Speaker 1:How do you find the power within yourself? What would be the things that you would do on a daily basis to get there?
Speaker 2:Well, if you're disconnected from yourself and you're not very aware, find people in your life that you feel like are and pay them or give them something to help you get more connected to yourself, because it's hard to say, hey, trust your intuition or hey, listen to that inner voice If you've never you don't even know what that voice is, or all you've ever known is all the other voices in your head, which is your mom or society or your dad or your friends. So clearing out all of those other voices can be one of the most difficult things. But one way to do it is by cutting off all external influences. So going through a period maybe it's four, five, six days where you just cut off, you're not listening to podcasts, you're not listening to music, you're not talking to anybody about their opinion, about anything that you should do, and you just sit with yourself in a space where you're avoiding all conversation that could influence you at all and you just get really quiet with yourself. And if you want to get crazy, maybe take some mushrooms and you can really dive a little deeper into that space.
Speaker 2:But mushrooms aren't required, but mushrooms can be a very powerful tool to help strip away conditioning and strip away programming from other people. It's really odd how it does that. I'm not sure how, but it's something from the ground that we can use as a tool Not necessary, but you can. So then get really clear about what that voice is saying, sever from all the inputs, cut off all the inputs and then be able to take action on whatever that voice is saying. And it might be scary, it might be uncomfortable, because oftentimes that little voice in you is like a toddler. He's never really or she's never really had the chance to speak because you've allowed all the other voices in your head to dominate the stage. And so it's going to be uncomfortable right away just to take those little actions. That's so quiet, just like hey, just do this.
Speaker 1:Hey, can we do this. Hey, is this okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, is this okay for us to do? And you just say, yeah, yeah, it is Okay, we'll just do it, let's see what happens. And then, as you listen to that voice more and more and you say yes to it more and more, then it grows up, becomes an old kid, it becomes a teenager and then it can become an adult. And I think it's powerful. It's like that voice inside of me now is like it's powerful and I'm super connected to it. But it's come from cultivating it over time and letting that small little orphan in me that got pushed down because I was afraid of disconnection, have space and time to speak and then me listen to it and follow it.
Speaker 1:Do you think you would have gained the level of self-consciousness that you have right now without planned medicine?
Speaker 2:No no.
Speaker 1:What kind of position does that put people in who want to gain your level of consciousness, but they don't want to take plant medicine?
Speaker 2:Well, people feel like they go through plant medicine experiences when they interact with me, like when I'm in the container. I say container like the coaching space with people I work with.
Speaker 1:Do you have a container that you coach in?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I call it the container. Okay, yeah, it's not like a physical container, but it's like you know, an energetic container that we're both entering into and people say it's psychedelic experience they have when they're in that. So I had that effect. But if you're not pulled to it, then don't do it. And I think everybody's different.
Speaker 2:I think when you're connected to that voice that exists within you, you know if you feel like it's something that you want to explore or not. I wouldn't say it's required, because not everybody's me. You know, maybe I did need a little bit of that to connect deeper with that. But it's also like this is my life's path is to continually live, to connect deeper with myself and to allow whatever I want to do be okay. So not everybody's like me. A lot of people just want to live like normal lives and they don't want to live crazy, wild life experiences like I do. So I wouldn't say everybody should be like me, because you're not me. But it's important for you to understand who you are, to get clear about what you want, and if you feel like plant medicine is something that can help you expand yourself to, to get more connected, then then go for it. But I would never tell people they should do it so when was your first experience?
Speaker 2:uh, I did psychedelic mushrooms when I was 21 22 for the first, 22 for the first time. Yeah, that was a wild experience. I remember I was with a good girlfriend of mine. We went to the beach I was living in miami at the time and I remember sitting there with her and we were just in it. We were just so deep in it it and she was asking me a question. She's like hey, like what do you like? Like what's your favorite food?
Speaker 2:She asked me a bunch of you know cute questions and I was sitting there and I was just so confused I was like I don't know, it's so hard for me to answer. She's like what do you mean? I just couldn't get an answer. I was sitting there just like super in it, like I can't find an answer, and I sat with it and I'm like, holy shit, I've just lived so much of my life Just asking other people what they wanted.
Speaker 2:I was always just like, well, I don't care, what do you want. I'm like, I'm good, like I'll find something to eat at that place, wherever you want to go, and I did that all the time. I didn't even realize how much I did that to where I was so disconnected to my own sense of desire for what I wanted that I couldn't even answer these basic questions. And that's where a huge light bulb moment happened for me, where I was just like holy shit.
Speaker 2:I've just lived so much of my life asking other people what they want to do or what they want to eat, and I hadn't really been even checking in with myself because I would always just be okay with whatever it was. I'd find something wherever we want, and so that was a huge revolutionary moment that I'll remember forever, and actually that probably brought me down the path of being like holy shit, like, well, what do I actually like? And instead of defaulting to, well, what do you want, oh, I'll get whatever you want to. What do I actually want right now? What am I feeling like I want right now? And switching the dialogue that happens in myself and being able to be more articulate with that and actually know when someone asks me the question.
Speaker 1:So that's obviously an experience. How old are you now?
Speaker 2:31.
Speaker 1:31. Okay, so 10 years ago? Within those 10 years, how has your life progressed? No, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's hard for you to answer that, because I feel like I've experienced more in 10 years than people have in 10,000. I've just gone down this incredible, amazing journey that I couldn't have wrote up if I tried. You know, I've just trusted that internal voice so much that I just follow it and more and more amazingness happens in my life all the time. So it's hard to even like conceptualize that question because of the sheer amount of like amazingness and crazy, wild, fun life experiences and wisdom and understanding that I've gained and had. It's insane.
Speaker 1:With the most amazing exhilarating moments that you've had in your life? Have you understood that there's obviously like a downside on the back end of that? Do you experience a lot of downsides because you have a lot of exhilarating moments?
Speaker 2:the only downsides that I see to a lot of these experiences perceived at least downsides is breaking of old programs and patterns of belief systems, like ways of being that I felt like I needed to be like to get certain results. I think that's why it's so inspiring for me to continue just to follow that inner voice, because it constantly invalidates the voice in my head that says things need to be a certain way or I have to live life this way, or I have to do this thing because this is what everybody says that I should do. So the only negative side that I would say I get from it is just the deterioration of the belief systems that actually didn't serve me. I think that's what makes it so fun, because my mind is actually not that smart. I acknowledge that I'm. I'm. My mind is fucking dumb, but my gut is tell it's, it's a genius, and so my mind is constantly just like invalidated. My mind goes oh well, if I want to get this result, then I have to do this way, and it's very linear thinking. It's just like invalidated. My mind goes oh well, if I want to get this result, then I have to do this way, and it's very linear thinking. It's just like, oh, I have to do this, this, this and this. But then my gut and my heart and God communicating to me and through me, just like, no, you don't, dude, just do this. Oh, but that's too big, that's too scary. No, just do this, just do this. And it might not make any sense to me in that moment, I might not be able to connect the dots as to how that inspiration that's planted on my heart by God will somehow get me that result that I say that I want, but in hindsight it always does. And it's, in a way, more fun, exciting, unknown way. And that's what, to me, makes life so fun is getting beyond the mind's linear thinking of how I think something should be done to get a certain result. That's boring anyway. Like, how boring is ultra predictability? Like if I know, if I just follow this result or follow this process and I'll get this result. Like what's the fun? I'd rather leave space for magic and leave space for God than live in this place of like mental certainty of a process. You know, I'd rather live in this process of magic and the unknown which makes life such more fun, so much more fun and exciting, and to look back and be like I had no clue that these results were going to happen when I was doing all of this, but somehow it all did. That sounds like a way better story to tell in hindsight than oh, there was just a system that I learned I needed to follow, and so I just committed that and I got what I wanted. Sounds boring.
Speaker 1:You mentioned your gut, that obviously you're very into what your gut Do you think obviously eating certain foods or certain situations that you find yourself in have had an effect and impact in tapping into your intuition when your gut is off. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely an impact in tapping into your intuition where it got itself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So I, getting to the nfl, I mastered the art of my how to shape my physical body, so making myself be a super machine externally to be able to perform, but internally I was always gassy, had heartburn, always like farting and burping. My my moods would fluctuate because I could tell that I was just eating way too much. I was sleepy at weird times, so my energy was all over the place, and so during that time I was always having to deal with these little internal physical things, and anytime it's like having too tight of a belt like one belt's too tight I can't really be present in an interaction with you, whereas if my belt's fitting properly, then I'm not thinking about my belt, and so now I'm here present with you.
Speaker 2:So as long as I'm having to deal with all these little internal physical health conditions that I had going on, it was taking away from my ability to be able to connect to that voice that was trying to communicate to me. It's like all these other voices that are yelling at me in the midst of trying to be connected to that deep inner voice. So when I take the time to resolve those internal physical conditions that I have, then the belt's not too tight. There's no, those voices aren't talking to me. I'm able to naturally get in tune with that voice much better, but if I'm dealing with all these like internal physical health concerns because of the food that I'm eating or the lack of exercise or my inability to manage my stress, then I can't be connected to that inner voice.
Speaker 1:So it's really more about quieting all the other voices sometimes rather than just like trying to get connected to the voice it's really interesting that you say that now, because I've had like food bloggers be on the podcast and I've I've friends as well who are, you know, influencers that they go and try new restaurants, clubs, bars. Do you think they'll ever reach an elevated state of consciousness with indulging in all this? Because I nearly feel like we're speaking to the masses here as well. For people who go out frequently, they eat out what's going to be their levels of success consciously speaking to the masses, not speaking for myself.
Speaker 2:If you're not eating what nature intended you to eat, then you're going to be disconnected from yourself. It's that simple. So I think it is what it is. Take that what you want.
Speaker 1:I think you would struggle to live here full-time in Dubai.
Speaker 2:It is hard to get access to good, high food. I was living in bali for three months, then I came here and it's definitely much more difficult. Um, and I feel it, notice it in my body. But it all depends on what the season represents. You know, I've gotten very good at knowing what I need right now in this season and I need to be here doing what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:So once you get down a solid foundation, being connected to your body and learning how to eat in a way that your body feels good, then you can deviate a bit more and you can be a little less strict. But if you've never gone through a season of life where you've been very strict with yourself on your eating and learning what foods feel good, what foods don't, you'll forever be a victim to food. So I guess it all depends on are you someone that has taken the time to really discipline yourself, to get connected to yourself in a way where you know what foods feel good and which ones don't, where you know what eating a shitty meal compared to a good meal feels like or not? I think everybody has to go through a season of immense discipline with their physical body. That's something I've done so I can deviate from that because I know exactly what I need to be able to get myself feeling right back to where I need to go. I know when there's other priorities.
Speaker 1:How important is your environment in order to have success with your mindset?
Speaker 2:Depends. It depends on how grounded you are. I've never heard anybody say this before, but there's a term I use called emotional sovereignty, and if you're incredibly emotionally sovereign and thought sovereign, your ability to be able to maintain integrity to where your heart's at is much greater than other people. So how connected are you to the collective cloud of influence? How influenced are you by other people? And if you are someone that's highly influenced by the feelings or emotions or thoughts of other people, then you need to learn how to have more independent cloud of thought, like separating from the collective cloud and having your own, where you're able to stay connected to what your heart wants and what you need, separate from what everybody else is thinking or feeling, has a collective essence, has a collective belief system that you will be impacted by. If I'm in Dubai, I'm going to be collected by the collective essence of Dubai. If I'm in Miami, I'm going to be impacted by that. In Bali, I'm going to be impacted by the collective essence of that. So you have to know that if you're not emotionally sovereign and know who you are and what you want, then you can be negatively impacted by the collective essence of that place that you're in. And even if you are very sovereign, you still are having that be impeding on you and your wants and desires. But you can also use that to your advantage, and that's what I do.
Speaker 2:If there's a certain way of being that I want more of, then I'll go to a location that embodies that way of being.
Speaker 2:So if I want to be more of like a hustler and feel more of a desire to like make things happen, then I might go to Miami. If I want to get more connected to myself and heal certain parts of myself physically, spiritually, emotionally I'll go to Bali. You know what I mean. So it's learning what places hold different essences and then being able to, based on whatever season you're in, go to those places and feed off of that collective cloud. So you have to recognize there's always an essence to every place and you can either be ran by it or you can use it to your advantage. So I know right now in Dubai, there's a collective essence that governs Dubai, and so I know right now in Dubai there's a collective essence that governs Dubai, and so I know what that generally is, and so I know how it might affect my mind and my emotions, and so I can separate myself from it. In a way that most of the people have no clue they're being impacted by Okay.
Speaker 1:So because you've no strings attached, you can collectively bring yourself, pick yourself and crane your, lift yourself to a place that will be supportive for whatever goal that you want to achieve. Or for the likes of, say John, he's married, has kids, has all, he's super anchored into a situation, how does he manage to build a foundation of an environment that's going to pour into the success that he wants to achieve?
Speaker 2:he has to have people around him that contribute to that cloud that he wants to operate more in. So hire mentors reading books, exposing yourself to podcasts of people that live in the essence that you want to embody more of. So if you can't get it from a physical location, which is obviously, I think is going to be the most powerful, then you find other means to get access to that essence.
Speaker 1:I think that's really important to design the environment at a click of a button, because we are so privileged to be able to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, privileged, but also it can be very difficult too, because you're not intentional with content consumption. You're connecting to a cloud that actually isn't what you want. You're listening to a podcast or you're listening to music that is not part of the cloud that moves you more in the direction that you want to be in. So it can be very powerful if you know what you want to be more of and you can be intentional about content consumption, or if you're just mindlessly, blindly going through whatever you feel like is a nice thing to watch or listen to, without a whole lot of attention behind it, then you'll be taken down a path that isn't even yours, and I think that's the place most people live in. We're just mindlessly consuming, and so they're not aware of the cloud that they're being connected to, so they're not moving closer to what their heart really wants.
Speaker 1:Do you set goals for yourself? No, I was asked my question because I feel like you're such a free spirit, so how do you have any sort of structure in your life?
Speaker 2:I feel I'm unique in the way of I was doing push-ups by myself when I was 10 years old, because I knew I wanted to go to the NFL, so my parents never pushed me to do that. That was something that was built into me. So the thing I had to learn more of was learning how to let go of the wheel of the boat that was already incredibly powerful. Let go of the wheel of the boat that was already incredibly powerful. So when I tried to hold too tightly to the wheel, I became rigid and wasn't able to stay connected to a place of flow. So I already have this motor that exists within me that I talked about earlier in the podcast that in order for me to get more of what I want, my individual character needs to have to let go of some of the need to have to manage or control the direction that it was moving and connect deeper with that, that level of god inspiration. So you have to really know you're human, you have to know what you need, and that happens to be something that I knew that I needed.
Speaker 2:But if you're someone that has never really been internally, intrinsically motivated, then that's a different path for you. Maybe setting those goals is good, as long as you're able to be guided in a way where you can take the steps that you need to get closer to it. But I'm so connected to my heart and what my heart wants that I don't need to set external goals, because it's almost just like implemented into me. It's like I just moved towards what my heart desires and so it's just not necessary, whereas some people need that. They need to set goals based on where they're at, to move themselves in a direction, because they don't have that, they haven't cultivated that inner fire.
Speaker 1:What's your thoughts on visualization?
Speaker 2:I think it's very powerful. It's very powerful. I think it can be a practice that's used to get you where you want, and it could also be something that naturally happens when you're feeling confident enough so you can use it as something that you're imposing upon yourself and taking the time to intentionally do and you can do the things that it takes that your individual human needs to feel confident to naturally notice yourself, envisioning yourself doing those things. So I think you got to do both. It's like the gratitude practice. It's like the people that try to just impose gratitude upon themselves. I can only take you so far before you have to address the underlying reasons why you're not already naturally experiencing gratitude. You see what I mean. So when someone's feeling very good within themselves, they're naturally visualizing, without even trying, that life that they want.
Speaker 2:But if you're not, you should take the time to figure out why you're not While in the meantime giving yourself permission to actively practice, because I really believe, when we're really in alignment with ourselves, the visualization and the gratitude and these things that people talk about as needing to actively practice to get what you want they're byproducts. I feel gratitude, not because I'm actively trying to feel gratitude, but because I'm actively giving my human what it needs what do you need in life?
Speaker 2:well, I think we already talked about it the feeling of fulfillment, the feeling of connection, the feeling of knowing I'm optimistic for what's coming, the feeling of being connected to something bigger. The feeling of healthy in my body, physically healthy.
Speaker 1:On a daily basis. What would be the practice of you to be your ultimate upgrade itself?
Speaker 2:Well, I'm a bit different. I'd say I'm kind of an outlier because of the place that I'm in as far as being connected to myself. So I literally just let myself do whatever I want all the time, like I don't implement discipline onto myself. So I'll wake up and if I want to check my phone, I check my phone. If I don't, I won't. Maybe I want to do a meditation I my phone, I check my phone. If I don't, I won't. Maybe I want to do a meditation, I'll do a meditation.
Speaker 2:But for people that have never implemented seasons of discipline, you can't. Your your intuition is only as deep as what you've been exposed to sometimes. So I've gone through periods where I've implemented really intense practices like meditation and discipline, with working out and sleep and all these different things that people say are really important. So I've gotten to a point where they're all just tools that exist within me and I trust that, whatever way I'm showing up, I'm connected to my heart and if I want to get on my phone, I'm going to get on my phone, and I trust that the best will always come to me when I just follow what I feel like I want to do now.
Speaker 1:Do you think there's a real importance in times of serious discipline and then just being super flexible?
Speaker 2:I don't see it as serious discipline. When I connected to myself, I just noticed myself doing things that others might perceive as being highly disciplined, so I don't see it as being disciplined. I'm just following what I feel like is the right thing to do so I might work for work. I don't even know what that means anymore, because everything to me is an extension of what my heart wants. I don't feel like I'm ever working. I feel like I've been retired for four years because of the work that I do work. It just feels weird to even say work because it just like doesn't feel like it. It's a thing that I do that makes me money, but I feel like a db from your question but what's the like?
Speaker 1:yeah, I suppose you've just basically answered it. You don't need discipline because you follow your heart and you follow what you need the most. Yeah, um, but when you're so flexible and you're listening to what you need, do you think that sometimes there's elements of oh well, what's? You know, you're not running towards anything.
Speaker 2:There's no future goal, there's no uh I don't feel like I'm not running towards anything. So just because it looks like on the outside that I'm not doesn't mean that I'm not. That system's just already implemented like I see a big picture vision for myself. What is the big picture? I'm the one that allows the most influential people in the world to feel safe enough to actively process through their own inner world to help them connect deeper with their hearts At the highest level. Most influential people in the world. That's me. So every day, without consciously actively working towards it, I know that I'm unintentionally working towards it and I'll know that in the process of me achieving my, my life's mission, it won't be from a place of excessive discipline and punishment, but from a place of openness to receiving guidance. I've never got to a point of burnout and I never will, because I want to be that person that says I didn't have to burn myself out to get what my heart wanted at the highest level.
Speaker 1:Even as an NFL player, you didn't experience burnout.
Speaker 2:I would say post-football is when I would say I had a big awakening where I woke up and made a decision that I wasn't going to sacrifice myself for a future feeling. So I would say post-football yeah.
Speaker 1:What was the biggest lesson that you had from playing football at a professional level?
Speaker 2:yeah. So I would say and this is what spurred me down the path that I'm on now because I've never been part of like, like the nine to five. I've never been part of that world. It's because of something that I realized while getting to the nfl, and it was I was sitting watching practice one day before I I went to get a physical on my neck, to where I was told I'd never be able to play again. This is hours before that, sitting there watching practice by myself, all the excitement, kind of like settled, of saying that I made it. I was here, and then a feeling came over me of just like this, is it like? This? Is this? Is it? This is what it what it is.
Speaker 2:This is the feeling that I worked my ass off my whole life to get, and it was the same thing as I felt when I went from high school to college. It was just back to work, back to work, and there was not the sustained feeling of like oh my gosh, this is, yes, it's amazing, and so realizing that, at the age of 22, that nothing that I ever accomplished was going to bring me some kind of like, magical feeling outside of like, within myself, that I wasn't already experiencing it made me realize that there's nothing to go chase. So that's when I put a football gun and I was like there's nothing to go chase. What do I really want right now? Where's my heart really at? So most people never achieve their lifelong dream, so they live their life chasing, chasing something, thinking that's going to bring them a feeling outside of themselves. So I was very fortunate to have that awareness at that age do you feel like being a football player?
Speaker 1:that was a huge part of your identity and you just ship afterwards it was very interesting because I would say no.
Speaker 2:I would say practically yes, because of the amount of time, effort and energy I designated to it. But at an internal level, no, there's actually part of me that felt a bit liberated, because I felt like there was this massive piece of the pie of me that was gone, not from a place of emptiness and pain, but from a place of openness and curiosity. So I've always poured into my relationships. I always focused on school, at least to the best of my ability. I always focused on my life outside of football, so it wasn't like football was my entire existence. I always somehow had this awareness that existed above all of it, that said you're not football, you are not the sport. And so a lot of guys and athletes in particular struggle massively afterward.
Speaker 2:But me that night, obviously, when I got the news I'd never be able to play again due to a neck injury that I had, I cried my eyes out for sure, and for the next 18, 24 hours I was just confused and feeling all the pain associated with it and purging and crying and all of it. Just confused and feeling all the pain associated with it and purging and crying and all of it. But then when I got home I said, okay, well, what's next? What do I want to do? I was like, well, I don't want anything to do with my degree. I was a finance major. I thought I want to be a financial analyst, but I quickly realized there was no way I was going to sit in an office. I said, well, what do I want to do? So I just rode my bike to the library every day for about a month straight for like six to seven hours a day just read, and that exposed me to more of what my heart wanted and I just took that path.
Speaker 1:And that's how long you've been coaching for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, nine, 10 years.
Speaker 1:So how did the coaching career start?
Speaker 2:Personal training.
Speaker 1:Ah yeah.
Speaker 2:So that was my. I was like, well, how can I get to this place where I can really show people how to live in a way where they get what they want? Because there's a lot of mental models I had already established in my mind. Getting to the NFL, I was a white kid from South Dakota. The likelihood of that happening is slim to none getting to the NFL. So there's obviously a lot of things I already knew. I was always a captain on all my teams that I was on, so leading and guiding people is something I was very good at, and inspiring people is something I was very good at, and inspiring people was something I was very good at. So I thought, well, what's my easiest way into the industry of helping people become the best version of themselves? And it was personal training. That's where it all started and it's been a long process and journey.
Speaker 2:And how did the personal training then unfold into the mindset, the psychology of someone's health and well-being? So that was when I realized all of the internal stuff that I was struggling with as far as the gassy, bloating, heartburn, fluctuations in energy and so I went down a path of obviously helping people with their physical body, but getting obsessed about what it looked like to be healthy from the inside out, from the physical standpoint, so focusing on digestion and inflammation. Those two big things are gut health and inflammation, I think are the foundations of creating an internally healthy body, and so I just got obsessed with that, obsessed with learning about what that looked like. Then I was able to create a product, after doing a lot of stuff for myself, to help people manage and navigate their autoimmune conditions and different digestive disorders, and so I went all in on that. I scaled a product online and sold that and then got what product was that? It was called the Total Body Reset. So it was a program to help people heal their digestive tract and inflammation. This was like and get rid of inflammation. This was like seven and a half, eight years ago. Now it's super, super popular and like. People are really diving headfirst into it.
Speaker 2:But I got bored of that because I found that a lot of the different physical ailments people had were actually stemming from something deeper, emotionally and psychologically. So it's really fascinating. I won't go too deep into it but a lot of different physical conditions people have. They're similar personality traits associated with those physical disorders, so different types of cancer, different types of autoimmune conditions. There's similar personality traits that follow some of these different ailments, which is wild. But I wanted to go deeper into that. So I started helping a lot of the people that had different, similar autoimmune-based conditions navigate their own psychological, emotional worlds, to where it wasn't just temporarily masking the symptoms but dealing with the source as to why their body was out of whack in the first place. And it wasn't just the food. There's a psychological reason, like our bodies and our minds are so connected, which I know. No, you know. So helping people navigate that world was much more interesting to me. The food got boring, the personal training got boring this is exactly what happened to me, yeah and I followed it.
Speaker 2:But a lot of people that are in this world of coaching, they're scared to expand beyond where they are. They've always been the personal trainer, there's always been the food person, and so they feel like they got to stay in that identity. But I never felt that. I always just stayed connected to my evolution and constantly was in the tension of the unknown and evolved and allowed myself to evolve.
Speaker 2:Then I got bored of dealing with psychological and emotional components, with physical health ailments, and met a lot of entrepreneurs and started to realize a lot of them had different emotional disconnects. That was spreading them and fully getting what they wanted at the highest level, and that was exciting. And for a season of life I noticed, after integrating a deep level of my own feminine essence. And for a season of life I noticed, after integrating a deep level of my own feminine essence, I found that a lot of women that are the boss babes were really disconnected from their bodies and their hearts, and so I helped them navigate their own inner worlds and guiding them back to that place of finding safety in their bodies. Did that for a whole year where I only worked with women, so that's been for the last seven years, I've just constantly stayed up to speed with the people, the type of people that I'm inspired to work with, and I always end up getting access to a ton of people that fall underneath that category that I'm most excited to help people with.
Speaker 1:So for females who are boss bitches, where do they begin to step in back into their femininity?
Speaker 2:Finding safety in, in surrender. Finding safety in receiving, because that's oftentimes where they get. They're disconnected from their bodies because they don't know how to receive, so they're constantly in a place of either giving or having to get everything for themselves. That's all survival mechanism based off of bringing in, also influenced by society to some extent, but learning how to actively receive, so putting themselves in a position to be uncomfortable receiving. So that's actively asking for more and more and more and more and more and more and more help, as much as they can bear before they explode, because I know how uncomfortable it is as a you know, we'll just say for the sake of it a woman that feels unsafe in her body so she has to take on a more masculine role in her life. Um, but that's a big start is to like find ways where you can surrender to receiving. When someone asks you if you want some water or someone asks if you want a bit of help, not allowing your default mechanism, which is no, I'm good, moving beyond that and really checking you with yourself and saying hey, yeah, please, and feeling the discomfort, the tension that we talk about tension quite a bit on this podcast sitting in the tension of receiving that water or and being with whatever comes up, and oftentimes that tension can give you an indicator as to deeper levels of emotional dysregulation that you have, that you have to work through and process. It's like triggers are always ends to emotional wounds that we have. It's the same thing with the feeling of the discomfort of surrendering to someone else, giving to you and receiving from somebody else. That's really how they're going to get the man they want is learning how to properly surrender to guidance of men, because women, it's fun.
Speaker 2:I think it's actually comical. A lot of women in today's world, I think they want a man that's going to lead and really show up powerfully and has a vision and that knows how to be a man. They're not ready. They're not ready to surrender to that man because that man's not coming in saying, hey, we're navigating all this 50 50. He's saying this is what's going on. If you want to be part of it, I'd love for you to be part of it You're going to have to let go of this and surrender to my guidance. Most women are not ready for that. They're not ready for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've definitely witnessed it here in Dubai. I find there's a large portion and percentage of women and females and males also single here because of their egos as well.
Speaker 2:They can't let go of their ego. Yeah, yeah, I think generally in society the male ego is now maybe in dubai it's different. Dubai is kind of a bubble, so we can't generalize society, but you have to buy, uh. But in general the male ego is very weak and the female ego is very strong, and what I find in today's world is that women generally think they're better than they are or deserve more than they really actually deserve, than their value actually represents, and men generally think they deserve less. And so the journey for a lot of women because it's really sad, because a lot of women don't have anybody in their life what would define that opinion? That yes, yeah, so not actively doing what it takes to become a person of value, but instead just thinking that you deserve everything?
Speaker 1:do you think this is a media thing, that people are influenced by the media to see, to feel entitled to have all these things when he's showing up or taking action?
Speaker 2:well, I think a lot of it's based off of the, the access women have to validation. Now, if women are constantly being bombarded with validation, of course their ego is going to get inflated. They're not thinking about oh, I need to make sure I'm, my ego is not getting too big because I'm getting all this validation. No, no, girls are thinking that they're just receiving. And so when they're getting validated all the time, they're not actively being told by someone that, hey, actually you're fucking up here. Actually you're not doing this right here. Actually, no, you don't deserve this because you can't actively allow yourself to be led by this man. You're not ready to do that. You have too many insecurities.
Speaker 2:You see, all women, if they if I actually know, like people say, hot girls are crazy, say, well, they're crazy because they'd never had someone if they didn't have a good father in their life to actively create stability in their life, I say, hey, you're fucking up. Hey, that's not right. Hey, the way you handle that is not correct. Those girls are always bombarded with people just being, yes, people to them all the time. Of course they're, they're operating in that place. You know what I mean. So of course, women are operating like this because they're bombarded with in every direction with validation and they're not actively considering the repercussions of that.
Speaker 1:That's a good point. That is a very good point. That brings me on to the last question of the Detached podcast. So, because it's a Detached podcast, what would you detach yourself away from? That's limiting you today.
Speaker 2:Any mental what would you detach yourself away from that's limiting you today, any mental process I feel like I need to follow to get what I want, and I'm constantly, like I said earlier, deteriorating those, those mental ideas of like conditions associated with me receiving at the highest level whatever my heart desires. So all of the little mental models I have and limitations I have, associated with the barriers that I need to like, get go over or get through to get what I want, letting go of those those little mental blockages that prevent me from receiving at the highest level and does that happen, baby?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, for sure, it's like the way I can describe it. It's like an exponential curve. In the beginning, you're constantly like running into these blockages and you're getting past them, but you get closer and closer and closer to zero. So it's like reading closer and closer and closer. You can never fully transcend all of the little mental blockages, but you get closer and closer to getting them deteriorated, and so. So, yeah, I still experience them, but compared to the average person, the blockage I'm experiencing is much more complex and much more minute. It requires me to have to go much, much deeper. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. That's why I have to hire people in my life to find those things. I can't always find them, so, yeah, I still do.
Speaker 1:I like to think of it as like a dirty kitchen counter. You have to clean it up and then it gets dirty again, it's constant work, yeah, constant work. So it's really insightful and it's been a pleasure to have you on the podcast and I just want to say a huge thank you. And where can everyone find you?
Speaker 2:well, thank you for having me on. It's been an absolute pleasure. It's so cool to see you just in your zone of genius, just flowing with this. You didn't look at your notes one time. You're just question after question after question was like so on point, so like your presence was felt so good to to have here, because you were so here, which is awesome, yeah, uh, but people can find me on instagram at official kian I'll pop it on the show notes, but thank you my pleasure.