The Detached podcast

Ep: 78 : Losing a loved one. The Journey to Authenticity and Growth with Zach Wade

• Sophia Delavari • Season 1 • Episode 78

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Zach Wade shares his transformative journey of navigating grief, faith, and personal growth. His powerful reflections on the impacts of loss, the importance of community, and the need to embrace vulnerability resonate throughout the conversation.

• Discusses the emotional impact of California wildfires
• Shares the challenges and lessons learned from losing his mother
• Emphasizes the importance of faith in cultivating confidence
• Explores the superficiality within the fitness industry
• Advocates for mental health and the benefits of therapy
• Describes the significance of daily rituals for personal growth
• Highlights the journey of redefining self-worth beyond aesthetics
• Encourages embracing vulnerability as a strength

You can check Zach out on instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/zachwadefit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

Or feel free to drop me a line on :
https://www.instagram.com/sophiadelavari/

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Speaker 1:

How you're feeling today as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, my name is Zach Wade, I'm from Los Angeles, california, and, yeah, today I'm feeling good. Had some clients earlier this morning, got my workout in, got my ice bath and sauna session before this, so I'm feeling like a million bucks right now.

Speaker 1:

You're feeling better than I am. Oh, you look great. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Your energy is coming off great so thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

When you just said la, obviously la at the moment. What's your thoughts on that? What's going on? Yeah, it's.

Speaker 2:

I'm serious, isn't it? It's these fires. It happens, you know, pretty much every year, but this one, from what I'm hearing is, is the absolute worst, and I have good close friends, clients, that have lost their house, so it hits different when it's your close peoples. You know what I mean yeah and my little sister works right around the fires and it just, yeah, puts a big halt in everybody's life and, yeah, I'm praying for them and it's tough.

Speaker 2:

It's tough especially when you care about these people and you love them and there's nothing you know anybody can do.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think when there's a disaster on your doorstep it does hit differently. You know, when you hear news, breaking news, news, and it seems like it's so far away yeah but when it's somewhere where you lived before, it's a, it's yeah, it pulls at you, yeah 100 and you're seeing people you know lose all their belongings, memories.

Speaker 2:

Like you know, the good thing is everybody's healthy, everybody's safe, but there's certain sentimental things that you lose, that you don't even have time to prepare for, and that's what you're seeing. Just seeing people's stories. It's crazy. Like you said you could see it from other parts of the world and not really think much of it. You could feel for them, but when it's somebody close to you and you see it firsthand, it's tough tough.

Speaker 1:

So when did you move from LA?

Speaker 2:

uh, about a year ago now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, a little bit over a year okay, so that's not that long, not long ago, I'm still in.

Speaker 2:

Dubai yeah. I feel like I'm just getting my footing in Dubai now. You know what I mean. The first year, unlike any other place, I'll say Dubai it takes you a sec to get used to it and I still feel like I'm finding new places, new things about Dubai. It's like, yeah, it's one of those places like no other, you know, and it takes a minute to get your, get your footing and kind of get your bearings, and but I'm finally feeling like I'm doing that now which it's nice and then you get to really enjoy, enjoy Dubai and uh, for what it all it has to offer have you ever lived anywhere else in the world besides?

Speaker 2:

yeah, so it's interesting, I'm from the states, right, so, like I've been in other states, so like, uh, I played college football so I had to go, you know, to the, to kentucky in the south, which is a whole different world from california, but it's still on the state. So before I moved here, I only went out of the country once, and it was to paris and sweden, and I was with one of my clients who's a famous tattoo artist, and so, yeah, that was my first time outside of the. States, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so when you move away from your home country, do you find it's quite difficult to attach yourself to the right kinds of people when you're trying to figure out your ecosystem yourself, to the right kinds of people?

Speaker 2:

when you're trying to figure out your ecosystem. I'll tell you this I'm a firm believer that when you're working on yourself and you're cultivating the energy that you want to attract, it's a bit easier, right, it may take some time, but as long as you're putting out the energy that you want to receive, then it comes along Right. And so for me, I feel like it happened relatively quickly. But, like I said, Dubai, yeah, in the beginning, because in Dubai there's so many different places and each place kind of has its own identity, and so you're kind of filling all that out. But once I started going to the gym and started moving around a bit, um, I started attracting some some good friends of mine now and um, yeah, so maybe a little bit longer than I was accustomed to.

Speaker 2:

But now you know, in hindsight, I, you know, have some, some really good friends that I, you know, attracted.

Speaker 1:

I feel like Dubai can really kind of chew you up and spit you back out if you're not careful. You know and if the first year for most people, it is like just figuring it out, you know, getting a feel for things, trying different things as well, and you exploring.

Speaker 2:

And the good thing about Dubai is most people are coming from an outside place, right? So most people in some sense have a similar mindset, like we all left our home country to go pursue something bigger, right? And with that comes stepping out of your comfort zone. So now you're surrounded by like-minded people who are also stepping out of your comfort zone. So now you're surrounded by like-minded people who are also stepping out of their comfort zone. So you find common ground there. And then the people that don't do that yeah, tend to go back.

Speaker 2:

You know, I remember when I got this opportunity, I was telling some people and I remember one of my he's like my big bro, you know. He's somebody that I've always looked up to and he's helped me out a lot, and he was like back when he was younger, because he was a coach as well, he had a similar opportunity, but he just couldn't do it Right, because it it takes a lot of courage to completely leave your, your comfort zone and go somewhere across the world and and pursue something. So the people that have done that and that are in Dubai, I feel like we all kind of have that common ground so what's the most important foundation that you need to have when you take away the home?

Speaker 1:

the comfort of friends and family members. What's the foundation that's important for you?

Speaker 2:

yeah, for me, the absolute rock and most important foundation is my faith, right? So, um, you know, I'm a christian and I believe in christ, and so, with that, I know, anywhere I go, I'm never truly alone. So that gives you true confidence, right. Even even in weaker times, you, okay, I could always rely on knowing that Christ is with me and I could do all things.

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 2:

I firmly believe that, and if I didn't, then I probably wouldn't take these leaps of faith. So, and knowing that it's already written for me gives me a lot of confidence to go about things the way I do without faith, do you think you wouldn't have confidence?

Speaker 2:

I think they go hand in hand. I don't. I, I wouldn't have the confidence without, yeah, faith. Faith is the beginning and end of all things for me, it's where it starts and that's why I start every morning, every morning, with at least 30 minutes. You know, reading the, looking at some scripture, it really like primes my brain, it gets me ready for the day. And we're always learning, we're always trying to get better. You know, sometimes I stray away, right, but that is a foundation, that's something that I must do, yeah, and I think that's what allowed me to really take this leap of faith. You know, faith take the leap of faith.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, that's, that's the foundation, and I don't know how people could operate without it. To be honest, it's. It's a scary thing, you know. So.

Speaker 1:

Did you grow up in a religious family?

Speaker 2:

Uh, not super religious right, my? I remember my mom was the first to take take us to church, but never got shoved down our throats or anything. My dad always spoke on your relationship with god and whatnot. Um, so it wasn't super big in the house I kind, I would say, went down my own journey and took it a step further, but it was always encouraged, you know.

Speaker 1:

When did you feel like you needed to step into your faith the most?

Speaker 2:

I would say, right around high school, right, and I feel like in life, things happen where you have nowhere else to turn but to God and, like in the scripture it talks about like at your weakest point, that's when, like God is with you the most Right, that's when he wants you to turn to him.

Speaker 2:

So I remember in high school I was going into my senior year and for in the states, like to get a scholarship for sports, your senior year is super important, right to get film for colleges to recruit you and uh. So I was training hard, getting ready, and the second game of my senior season I broke my foot and it was like at that point it was one of the most devastating things that has happened to me. And then the very next game, we were playing our rival school, which is something you look forward to for years and years since I was like a junior high, like I can't wait to that game, you know. And I was the quarterback and it was just like everything I've been looking forward to and it got taken away from me, right. And then that game, my backup quarterback threw the game-winning touchdown to win the game and everybody rushed the field and picked them up on their shoulders carried them off the field and I'm over here on crutches getting knocked over by the people that ran onto the field.

Speaker 2:

And in that point and I remember that night I was like laying in my bed, crying, even though we won. I'm like this is what I've been looking forward to. And prior to that, you're the quarterback in high school. Everybody's for you, everybody's, you know, trying to be your friend and you know, all of a sudden, like that you're forgotten about and that's what it felt like. So in that moment, I want to say in that exact moment, but right around that time, that's when I really was like, okay, the one I don't want to say person, but the one that's always there for you is God.

Speaker 2:

No matter, because when everything's good, people are for you and then you could be forgotten like that, but God is someone that will always be there. And so that's where my faith got strong. And then I realized, like you know, my identity is not in football or sports um, it's through Christ and um yeah, so I would say right around, then it's really helped when you mentioned like that, you were kind of crushed at that stage.

Speaker 1:

Do you think attaching your identity to your achievements is a risk that you run?

Speaker 2:

of course, yeah, that's, it's the big thing and most people do that right. But the thing is, when it's it could be taken away from you, you may not achieve what you're seek out to achieve. But, like I said, it's written and it's not according to our how we see things right. And when you're so sold on achieving your goal and trying to design it exactly how you want to design it, it oftentimes never turns out that way and it just leads to devastation and being crushed and could kill a lot of people's confidence and and keep them from continuing to move forward being in the fitness industry, do you think there's a a slim line between, you know, focusing on your health and actually just your aesthetics?

Speaker 2:

yeah. So I would say in the fitness industry nowadays, I see a lot of people focus on just the aesthetic part, looking good. What I always preach and how I live and what I preach my clients is that's the thing I care least about. The looking good part is a cherry on top right. It's a testament to everything else that we're doing. So focusing on the body, focusing on the mind, focusing on the soul, focusing on the spirit, that's what I focus on with myself and my clients.

Speaker 2:

So when you're just focused on the aesthetic one, it's hard to keep that going right, because once you get to a certain point aesthetically, the progress is very slow to see right. And if you don't, most people, if they're not seeing progress, they give up. So that's the risk of just focusing on the aesthetic part and looking good. Or let's say you know you have a bunch of weight to lose and you lose that first five kgs 10 pounds quickly, and then that next five kgs 10 pounds is coming off slowly and you're not seeing any change in the mirror. Well then it's, you know, demotivating.

Speaker 2:

But that's why focusing on aesthetic is, I think, the last part. It's the person that you become when doing all these other things like focusing on your nutrition, focusing on sleep, focusing on your performance. That's the pillars that I focus on. So the aesthetic is just kind of like a cherry on top. But you see a lot of coaches just focusing on aesthetic and looking good and I see a lot of influencers and coaches putting things out like how they work out, but behind it, either their diet is perfect or they're on some performance enhancing drugs and it's just not relatable to the everyday person, because people see it and be like oh, I want to look like that, but it's like you don't know what that person's really doing to look like that. It's not those workouts, I'll tell you that much. And they're preaching like, oh, these are look like that, but it's like you don't know what that person's really doing to look like that?

Speaker 2:

it's not those workouts, I'll tell you that much. And they're preaching like oh, these are the workouts that make you look like this, like no, it's not we're gonna jump down the rabbit hole now and I'll ask you have you been on enhancement drugs?

Speaker 2:

yeah, have, I have it yeah no, I've never done any steroids or injected or anything. Um, yeah, I haven't taken anything but like the real supplements. There is a story out there, well, that I just actually put out on my instagram that my senior year in college football, I did get suspended for a supplement or a banned substance, uh, which was like a sarm or something, which I had never heard of the ingredient or anything. But, yeah, other than that, no, I'm completely natural Never, never, injected any type of steroid or anything. And for bodybuilders that do it, you know, with a purpose and they're competing, who am I to judge right? But for just like recreational use and just doing it just because you want to obtain a certain physique, or something like that, I it's not sustainable it's not sustainable and it's unhealthy, and I'm all about internal and external health, you know what's your thoughts on body building then?

Speaker 1:

and I know body, there's bodybuilding training, but bodybuilding competing. What's your thoughts on that?

Speaker 2:

uh, as far as, like, the competing side or the actual training for the competing side.

Speaker 2:

Look, I respect the discipline that goes into it, right? Um, yeah, it's, it's a. It's not a sport, it's more like an art, right, and so I respect the people that are really fully into it and committed, but for everyday people, and and preaching like this is the best way to train, it's just I don't agree with and and I honestly don't think. Um, the the competing of bodybuilding is healthy, right, you're, you're injecting all these steroids into you and you're manipulating your body, you're dehydrating yourself to have a certain look, that's just not, like you said, sustainable, right, and it's, yeah, I don't know. I feel like, yeah, you there's, I don't know, especially the new age bodybuilding, like I respect and appreciate the old school bodybuilding, like the Jay Cutlers and the Arnold Schwarzeneggers and the Ronnie Coleman, who are really training hard and honestly weren't taking that much stuff, just a little bit. You hear them talk about it all the time, but yeah, it's not for me, I'll tell you that much it's something that I yeah how do you think um it?

Speaker 1:

it affects the mindset of someone the bodybuilding.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think I think again, what I've seen is identify people like bodybuilders, especially identifying with a look like their final look that they were on stage with and and thinking that is sustainable and that's how they should always look. I've seen it affect a lot of people, right, or if they they they're looking up to other bodybuilders and seeing how they look. Right, the comparison is a thief of all joy. So, especially in that sport, it's all about other people's opinion and comparing and this, that and the third. So I think it really affects people's um confidence within themselves. I feel like they're always chasing something that's just not realistic and I think that's unhealthy for the brain.

Speaker 1:

I think, when it comes to bodybuilding in particularly like you have to be prepared to let go and surrender the body that was seen as perfect yeah, exactly and I don't think people are ready to digest that yeah, I've, especially.

Speaker 2:

I've seen a lot of women going through that and especially for women, it's not healthy to be that low body fat percentages and and just a lot of long-term issues occur when you're living that life. Like I said, it's it's not for me to judge right Like I played American football, there's a lot of contact to the head. There's a lot of. It's not the best for longevity either, so, but it's the life I chose. So I'm not here to demean or anything. You know these, these bodybuilders, if it's something they truly love. But yeah, you have, I don't know, it's just how many years did you play football?

Speaker 2:

total. Yeah, I've started when I was seven wow and played all the way to 23 has.

Speaker 1:

Do you think that's impacted your brain health?

Speaker 2:

no, I don't personally think so. I feel like, as long as you're always keeping your mind stimulated, I feel like when you're always trying to grow mentally um, personally, I haven't seen, obviously I know it's out there, but I think the mind is a very powerful thing and I think if you start giving putting energy into that and giving thought into that, then it could have an effect. But for me I don't. I keep my mind stimulated, I'm always working on the mind and I feel strong mentally.

Speaker 1:

What do you do to work and develop your mind?

Speaker 2:

First and foremost, it's my morning routine, it's journaling, it's meditating, go to therapy, being in scriptures, you know, speaking with God, like all these things mentally, and just always researching, always trying to learn, always trying to progress in my craft. Yeah, listening to people, listening to motivational speakers, just everything that I could get that extra edge mentally I'm doing.

Speaker 1:

When it comes to journaling. How often should you journal, do you think?

Speaker 2:

Well, I journal every day and I like doing. I do like a manifesting journal as well, where I take some time in the morning, I take some time midday and before I go to bed and uh that's a lot of manifesting yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Have you heard of the?

Speaker 2:

three, six, nine rule.

Speaker 2:

Like you write your what you're trying to accomplish your your manifestation, your it's like a saying or whatever your mantra for this period of your life. So I write it three times in the morning, six times in the middle of the day and nine times at night, and there's a whole bunch of like science and research behind it and, like I said, any anything to get that edge and just to constantly remind myself what I'm going after and who I am I'm all for. So, yeah, doing things like that keeps you sharp, right, keeps you disciplined, and and I realize for me, my best self is the is the version that's disciplined and and regimented, and and I think that's the equation for success and and then, once you see the results from it, it's hard to ever go back from doing that.

Speaker 1:

So obviously, life isn't a dress rehearsal. So how do you manage to be agile in situations that end up derailing your, your daily rituals?

Speaker 2:

I think, I think you don't give it too much energy, right. I like, don't give it too much energy, right. Like, to be honest, sometimes midday I forget to journal, right. So it's like improvise, adapt and overcome. That's one of my favorite sayings. So it's like okay, I forgot to do it during the day. I'm going to make sure that I just make up for it at night or whatever the case may be, so I don't give too much energy on the. You know me messing up on it. It's like okay, what can I do from here?

Speaker 2:

And that's the same thing with life. It's like don't be focused on the obstacle yeah, it occurred. Let's think about what we can do from here and how we could make it right or improve or learn. You know like one of my favorite sayings is what I always tell my clients is either you either win or you learn. There's no losses, right yeah, you either win in a situation or you learn from the situation, and it's that simple how do you stay motivated, especially when you're training so many years now?

Speaker 2:

so one of my favorite things, one of my mentors told me once it's mode over mood, right. So this particular person is Franco. He's one of the best tattoo artists that's ever lived, created the biggest tattoo supply company and he told me he's been tattooing for 27 years, right that's passion every, every day.

Speaker 2:

You know tattooing celebrities, all these different type of people, and and when that person comes into his chair, he can't afford to not give the best tattoo that they're paying so much money for. And like they're working. They've waited, probably for a long time, but he still has personal things going on outside of life. Right, like we all do. But it's the ability to tap into that mode of life. Right, like we all do. But it's the ability to tap into that mode, and for me, that mode is the highest version of yourself.

Speaker 2:

So, when I'm not feeling so motivated to go to the gym, or feeling so motivated to create content for my online coaching, or whatever the case may be, I asked myself what is the high? What would the highest version of Zach do in this situation? Well, it's simple He'd go to the gym. Not only would he go to the gym, but he would give his very all in the gym because you're already going. You know, a lot of people are like, oh just, you know there's two steps to it. Right, like, yeah, you don't always feel motivated, but you do it anyways. But that next step is like yeah, and do it at a high level still, even when you're not feeling motivated because that's the highest version of yourself that's going to do it Now. You're going to have wins and losses.

Speaker 2:

No, not losses but there's going to be some days that you do it better than others, right, but you just want to keep on stacking the days that you do it really well, and then it just becomes second nature after a while.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think the accumulation of the daily habits that you do is the foundation of the success that you'll have in the future.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's just little things and you just keep stacking it, keep stacking it, keep stacking it. My dad used to always say it's just like putting a nickel in the piggy bank.

Speaker 2:

You just keep putting it in, keep putting it, keep putting it in. Before I know, before you know, you're going to crack that, bank it and you're going to have this money. It's the same thing with your goals and things. You just keep showing up, you keep giving your best and, before you know it, you're going to look up. You're going to be like, oh, I like where I'm at you know, who is your biggest role model in your life?

Speaker 2:

role model? Well, first and foremost, jesus christ like and that's not me like, just saying that, but that's who we all aspire, you know, to be like in all different religions of christ is talked about. So that's first and foremost and as far as, like, I don't know if I have a biggest role model, but I have a lot of people around me that I look up to.

Speaker 1:

Who impacted you the most?

Speaker 2:

First is my parents, both my mom and my dad. They did a great job parenting. I'm super grateful for them, both in their own way. My dad was a little tougher on me but showed me how to be a man and taught me a lot of lessons at a young age that had been repeated to me now and I'm like, oh, my dad touched on that right, maybe in his own way, but he was onto something. And then my mom just the way she carried herself, truly living with love first, and that was one of the biggest things and I think one of the most important things that you could learn from somebody. And then some of my biggest mentors over life that's happened is and I say mentors, but they're like my big brothers, right.

Speaker 2:

So there's my big bro. He's Will Blackman. He was an 11-year NFL veteran, super Bowl champ, and if it wasn't for him, I definitely wouldn't be in this position now where I'm at in life. He kind of opened up a lot of doors for me. He believed in me. He put his a lot of doors for me. He believed in me. He put his you know name on the line for me many times and introduced me to a lot, a lot of good people, and so he's helped me out tremendously. And then he introduced me to Franco and um, who's the tattoo artist?

Speaker 2:

I was just talking about. And then he introduced me to Noah, who's like kind of like my faith mentor. I have one of my other mentors, ryan Flaherty, who is the head director of Nike of research, which also will introduce me to yeah. And then people in the training space Kreef Bird, les Spellman. All these people have kind of molded me and have all had a huge impact on my life and where I'm at now.

Speaker 1:

So you switched on your mother. I know your mother. She went through a tough time, right yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's a tough one. So my mom, my whole life was my best friend, like my absolute best friend, my favorite person on this earth. And you know how sometimes there's a stage where kids kind of especially boys maybe start becoming teenagers and don't want to hang out with their mom, so much I was like the opposite I think mommy's boy. I was a big mama's boy like all the time, and she would even be like exactly you could go hang out with your friends, I'm like no, I'd rather just hang out with you you

Speaker 2:

know, um, and just like the love and everything she had is just overwhelming. She was a huge, huge, huge part of my confidence as well. It was what I've realized.

Speaker 2:

But yes, how many years has it been? About four years ago she got diagnosed with brain cancer and we found out because she was having seizures and it started off like when you meet with these doctors it starts off not light, but it's like, okay, she has this brain cancer, but like it's something that she could live a long time with. There's something we could definitely work on it with, and not nothing to worry about, but like you know it'll be okay type thing.

Speaker 2:

So then the first year she went through chemo radiation and everything seemed like it was going good and you didn't really see the effects of cancer on her at the time. So it was kind of just like life as usual. But somewhere down the line the second year, somewhere down the line the second year, she had to get a surgery because they were trying to minimize it from spreading and everything. And then she got an infection through the surgery and that's when things kind of just started going downhill. You know she lost all control of the right side of her body. She wasn't able to speak too much. You know. It was very hard for her to communicate.

Speaker 1:

Um, how do you manage yourself around that?

Speaker 2:

how did I manage myself? I think so much of my energy was just doing everything I could to help her out and I don't know. It's just like in the, when you're in it and you're in that moment you're just thinking about beating it.

Speaker 2:

So you're doing everything you need to do to make sure you beat it, so you don't focus on anything else. And fortunately, like I mentioned Franco, who helped me a huge amount during this time he lost his mom to the exact same cancer at the exact same age as I was. He was, and our moms were the exact same age. So it's like God put somebody in my life to help guide me, so he helped me a lot throughout it. But the one thing he told me that I make sure I did was be extremely present, be her rock and truly, leave like no stone unturned. Make sure, like no matter what, you're trying everything, you're doing everything and you're just trying to make it happen. So in that, when you asked, like, how did I manage it? It was just keep on showing up every day and just doing everything that we could to help her through it, and obviously there's some days where you're just breaking down you're crying and but at the same time you're seeing a person fight so hard.

Speaker 2:

It's like you don't have time to be feeling bad for yourself. You know, it's like you're seeing somebody going through this and she's still staying positive and she's still staying loving and she's still caring about how you're feeling. But was, yeah, it was. It was quite a journey because it was like my schedule. So myself and her new husband were like her main caretakers. So I'd wake up, say 3, 45, 4 am, because we, because he worked at the same hospital that she was going to, but he would work like night shifts, so he would come home from his night shift. I'd wake up 3.45, 4 am and I would drive to where my clients were and then I would work with my clients, let's say from like 5.30 to 1 or 2. And then I'd head back to hers because she couldn't be on her own and everything, because she would get seizures and stuff. So we were always very attentive towards her.

Speaker 2:

So you're also just staying so busy and you're trying to make it happen. You're also not really tapping into how you're feeling. It's not until after. So, yeah, it was just a hectic time Her always in the hospital in and out, sometimes weeks, months at times, so I'd go work and then go spend time with her in the hospital. Yeah, it was just a lot of that. It was the heaviest time, and I truly mean when I say this. I wouldn't wish it amongst my worst of enemies worst of enemies seeing someone that you love so much go through this and you can't really do anything about it. It's it's uh, especially for someone like me who was like there's a will, there's a way like we'll make it happen you know, and uh, yeah, it was just it was.

Speaker 2:

It was just it was it was, changed my whole lens on on life and how I looked at it. And um, yeah, we lost her, uh, two years ago. And yeah, life, life just hasn't been the same without her, it's.

Speaker 1:

And um, yeah, still processing everything and it has still going through itself how do you manage grievance like? Because I know obviously I have a friend recently who just had a sister passed away from cancer and he mentioned it was actually rob warner that I had my podcast previously before. He's a creative designer of um squat wolf actually here and he just explained how grievance is not linear. So how was grievance for you?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So one thing I learned early was to face it, because there's a lot of medicine in it. If you face it, you only have two choices when it comes to grievances Either you face it and take in the medicine that it has to offer, or you run away from it. You turn to other vices, which, when you're in, it seems like a very tempting option, and I could see how people choose that route, right, cause it's the easier route. Facing it head on and receiving that medicine you know how it is when you receive medicine doesn't always taste the best most of the time, right? So Franco suggested that like that, that's what I do, like, just no matter what you face it. And so I really took that seriously and I just faced it head on and realized there was a lot of medicine from it. Faced it head on and realized there was a lot of medicine from it. Uh, going to therapy, you know, really helped with it.

Speaker 2:

But as far as how I've managed it, yeah I've just I face it and utilize the energy, because grievance is a it's a ball of energy and it could. Either you could either use it to propel you to accomplish great things or it could really sink you. So for me, I've just used it to try to help propel me. But obviously you still go through it and uh, and you fill in all these different emotions. But it's accepting the emotions that you're facing, filling into it and and yeah, and you just keep, keep moving on to it, but I definitely don't try to like hide it or I don't try to like oh, ignore it.

Speaker 2:

Like I, I face all the emotions that I feel.

Speaker 1:

I feel like you don't ignore things if you've just mentioned therapy so open and honestly, because I feel like therapy, especially across the whole world, but within the middle east as well. I think sometimes it's quite hard for people to discuss this yeah, especially being a male.

Speaker 2:

I've seen that and I've even when I've mentioned therapy, like some people are like oh you go to see people seize, or I've even had some people kind of almost make a joke of it like oh go talk to your therapist or something. But to me there's a lot of freedom in just the ability to admit yeah, I do go to therapy.

Speaker 2:

Do you think if you had closer friends that were at your fingertips in the evening time that you could have deep conversations, do you think therapy would exist? Yeah, because this is how I look at close friends. Like each close friend and I've had a conversation with this provides a space for you to talk about certain things, like I know, with this friend I could speak about these things and with this friend I could speak about these things, but there's very few friends. I probably have one, one or two friends that I could probably talk about everything with. But therapy allows you a space to let it all out Right, and for me, I think some of the issue with people like opening up to their friends is not wanting to be a burden on the other person. So therapy also provides a space where you know you're not being a burden right.

Speaker 2:

Because it's a bit transactional as well and this their job. So I know what you're saying like if you had close friends every night, and I think there's a space for that. But I also think therapy provides a space where you could just let it all out, judgment free, without you know, because friends oftentimes want to give their feedback and sometimes you don't want feedback, sometimes you just want to be listened to, sometimes you just want a soundboard to kind of help figure things out for yourself as well.

Speaker 1:

When did you start therapy?

Speaker 2:

So it's a story. So Ryan Flaherty, who's he was the head.

Speaker 1:

Is he Irish? No, honestly I don't know, Because that's an Irish surname. Is it.

Speaker 2:

So he's the head director of Nike, or was the head director of Nike Research. So he's worked with all the best Nike athletes he's Saquon Barkley, serena Williams, russell Wilson, lebron James, like all these different athletes. So he's been at the highest level. And we were actually working and training the number one pick in the NFL draft, bryce Young, two years ago, and it was after a session.

Speaker 2:

We were training the guys and we'd have deep conversations because he's been through similar things that I've been through, and he said oh, by the way, I've paid for 10 sessions up front to my therapist, so now you have no option, you need to go. They're've paid for 10 sessions up and up front to my therapist, so now you have no option. You like you need to go, they're all paid for. So he's like just try it out, 10 sessions they're paid for, just try it out. And uh, so that was two years ago and ever since I've been going, ever since, you know. So it's yeah, and having seen somebody like him, you know who's accomplished, accomplished it all, and for me is like the pinnacle of you know what you can become as a coach and a trainer for him to open up and say that he's been a therapy and how much it's helped him.

Speaker 2:

I was like, okay, I might as well try it's helpful.

Speaker 2:

Sharing this information, I do think is helpful because it kind of bridges the gap in between it being taboo and actually acceptable yeah, and and it gives you yeah, it gives you a freedom and you really start healing things that you realize have been a big hindrance to your growth. So it's like, if you're trying to progress and you're trying to grow in your career, in your relationships, why not address those things? Because oftentimes they are a hindrance? And, yeah, I've seen tremendous growth in myself and seen it pay off.

Speaker 1:

What things have been getting in your way before therapy. What was the biggest obstacle that you faced?

Speaker 2:

So, as an athlete, you're always seeking validation in some shape or form, right From a coach, from a parent, from friends, whatever the case may be. It provides this fuel for you to like succeed, but at the end of the day, you're succeeding for validation. So what I realize is a lot of what I've done up to this point has been because I was seeking validation from others. You know how a lot of people are like oh, I don't care what people think. I was one of those type of people.

Speaker 2:

But when you really dig deep into the roots of it, it's like, oh no, you do care what people think and you are seeking validation, no matter how much you're saying. You don't right, Especially about things that you care about and that are important to you. And obviously, to a certain extent, we all care about what people think and I think, to a certain level, it's healthy, right?

Speaker 1:

You want to brush your teeth, make sure your hair is good or you want to dress in nice things or whatever.

Speaker 2:

So to a certain extent we all have a healthy.

Speaker 2:

People keep you on your toes, yeah but I think once it starts hindering you from accomplishing what you want and need to accomplish, that's when it becomes an issue, right? So I feel like I've really have been able to tackle that, and it's always a work in progress. It's like working out, right. You can hit milestones, you can hit PRs, but it's never ending. You still continue to work at it. You may be at a whole different level than you were a couple of years ago, but if you just completely stop working out, you're going to lose it.

Speaker 2:

Same thing with this. It's like if I'm not taking daily steps to make sure that I'm working on these things, then, you know, eventually those, those insecurities, are seeking validation. They start creeping up again, and now I'm at the point where it's like I'll do it, you know, for a split second, but now I have the tools and everything to take a step back and be like, hold on and check myself.

Speaker 2:

You're like that's not the highest version of yourself operating, that's like the child version of yourself, you know, because we all like days and then it becomes like hours, and now, you know, lately I'm like doing it in in minutes, being like, okay, take a step back, let me really look at this situation from the highest version of myself and then react and act, you know, accordingly it's a skill that you've built over time. Yeah, yeah. And life offers you so many different tests and lessons to utilize it.

Speaker 1:

What has been your biggest lesson in life?

Speaker 2:

That's a good question.

Speaker 1:

Have you thought about this one?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, biggest lesson in life.

Speaker 1:

We might need to do a part two for this.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, honestly, lesson in life we might need to do a part two for this yeah, honestly, uh, I would say the biggest lesson in life.

Speaker 2:

I think it occurred throughout my my experience with my mom and seeing what she goes through one that life is so short and so fragile and it could be taken from you at any given time. So that lesson of realizing that changed my whole lens on life, and there's a lot to unpack there, but it's unpack there, but it's truly being present in each moment is is very important. And being present in being the highest version of yourself and putting out that frequency, right, which love and positivity and like and I'm not just saying it just because it sounds good or whatever, but it's truly. I think one of the most important things that I've learned is, like, life is so short, so because of that, let's be the best version of ourselves, right and um. For me, that's what I've been, that's kind of what I focus on, and I know everything else comes from that, because when you are operating at the highest version of yourself, you're attracting the things that you want, right, and the highest version of myself is the version that's closest to god.

Speaker 2:

So it goes hand in hand for me I know some people like religious people like, oh, frequencies and energies, like we don't talk.

Speaker 2:

You know it's taboo as well but, like for me, I feel like it goes hand in hand and, like the bible, love is like one of the most like important thing, is the most important thing. You know so, being the highest version of yourself giving the most love, which I saw firsthand with my mom and her whole experience when she's struggling and you know battling and you could just tell feeling terrible but still mustering up all this love for people. You know battling and you could just tell feeling terrible but still mustering up all this love for people. You know, at the when she passed, every nurse in the hospital wrote her like a hand written letter which has never been done before because she's going through these surgeries and going through all these tough things and still showing so much love to people, Right?

Speaker 2:

So when I saw that, it was just like, yeah, I want to continue that and I want to continue her legacy and I want to. I want to be that and, you know, do the best that I can. Like I said, some days are better than others, but I think that when that's your focus point, I think it's hard to go wrong from there.

Speaker 1:

So, because this is the Det, the detached podcast, what would you detach yourself away from? That's limited to you today? What?

Speaker 2:

would I detach myself? I think, honestly, we just spoke on it, but but I think it's the detachment of validation, the detachment of my pride and ego in situations. That's the biggest thing that I'm really working on right now not allowing my pride and ego to make my decisions or allow the my seeking validation from others to, to, to, um, you know, make my decisions.

Speaker 2:

it's just detaching from that and, and because I'm an empath by nature, I really feel into people's emotions, right, and and I really you know, if somebody says something, I'm thinking super deep into it, like what did they really mean? Like, oh, maybe they meant this or maybe like that, and then I take it personal. So, detaching from that as well, right, it's kind of like all within the validation and you know, truly caring about people, but then in return you're kind of caring about what they think as well. So for this past year, that's been my biggest thing and it's still work in progress. But if, yeah, I would say that's kind of what I'm focused on detaching myself from the pride and ego and just not taking everything like personal right, I'm gonna buy you the book the.

Speaker 1:

The ego is the enemy have you ever read that?

Speaker 2:

no, by ryan holiday no I'm gonna gift you this yeah, I will have anything that can help me out on that because it's like I say it's a constant battle well.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for being on the detached podcast. It's been a real pleasure thank you for having me.

Speaker 2:

I appreciate it. I appreciate the questions. This is a good, in-depth questions that you know. I feel like it's important for people to hear and talk about, right um, because people are always in pursuit the career relationships. But it always starts internally and when you ask yourself these type of questions that you asked today, I think it allows you to reflect and take time to think about you know your internal thoughts and help you with continuing on the external.

Speaker 1:

Hopefully I'll see you for part two. Yeah, appreciate you having me.

Speaker 2:

Thanks.