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EP 68 : Nutrition- Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk

• Sophia Delavari • Season 1 • Episode 68

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Can a positive mindset truly transform your fitness journey? Learn from my personal story of shedding 26 kilos and how it propelled me into a fulfilling career as a personal trainer and nutrition expert. I open up about my battles with self-confidence and negative self-talk, shedding light on how a crucial shift in internal narrative can foster a healthier lifestyle. This episode is your guide to recognizing and reframing those harmful habits and beliefs, helping you construct a positive identity that supports your personal growth.

The conversation doesn't stop there—we dive into the ever-evolving world of nutrition and fitness advice, particularly focusing on the concept of aggressive dieting. I'll share how my stance on short-term, aggressive diets has evolved, and why having a balanced long-term plan is essential. Discover why it's critical to avoid year-round dieting and the benefits of incorporating diet breaks for your mental and physical well-being. Stay updated with the latest research and trends as we navigate the complexities of dieting and maintenance, ensuring you have the tools to sustain a healthy lifestyle.

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Speaker 1:

Well, hello, my lovely listeners. Welcome back to another episode of the Detached Podcast. Today I'm going to dive into the nitty-gritty of nutrition and kind of the mental side of nutrition as well, when it comes to dieting and having flexibility and just kind of understanding that one method just doesn't fit all, and also the things to kind of look out for. But, with all that being said, I'd like to kind of share a little bit about my story and also kind of what gives me the authority to be able to kind of give advice on this. Um, well, look, listen, if you haven't listened to me before or if you haven't watched my Instagram, head over there and have a little look for yourself. Because, um, I was 26 kilos heavier than what I am today and I'm sure some of you listeners who've been listening for so long must be like shut up. I already know, but for you guys who are new here, hello, I did lose quite a lot of weight and through this journey, I became a personal trainer and I studied nutrition and I worked with many clients, both online and face to face, and I worked in the industry for like seven years.

Speaker 1:

But, yeah, it was an absolute pleasure, but at the beginning I felt like a total imposter, I'm not gonna lie, because I was not in shape and I thought who the hell am I to be giving advice when I'm not even in shape? But I went through the journey anyway and when I went through the journey, most of my my uh, the people that were surrounded by me, they actually watched me go through this journey and they actually became my clients. So, a matter of fact, it was actually such a relief and it was an additional bonus that I was a little bit heavier before, because I'd kind of gained that trust with the clients that were surrounded by me and I just kind of knew as well what they were going through as well with not being happy in their own body. And that's where the passion really lied with me was the fact that I never really wanted anyone else to feel so uncomfortable in their own skin, because it takes away from the attention that you could be spending on the things that really matter on a daily basis. And I felt like I just lived in a little bit of a bubble where you know I was just existent because I was too focused on not feeling good about my body and trying to diet and kind of restrict myself in a sense that I never really felt worthy of kind of reaching for the things that I really enjoyed because I was stuck in this vessel. You could say that wasn't a pretty vessel. If anything, the narrative I had inside my head I would. I wouldn't have bought the vessel, let's just put it that way. Um, I didn't have very good things to say about it.

Speaker 1:

So, with that being said, this is where I talk about nutrition being a bit of a mental thing as well, because when you're in a position where you're really not that happy about your body, you tend to have a narrative that's a narrative that's self-sabotaging you from progressing a lot of the time. Because when you think about the amount of times you tell yourself you're not good at things or you're not worthy enough of something, the energy you create for yourself is very negative. It's like kind of if anything, I think it's actually not productive and it's not. Um, it's not very encouraging to to tell yourself you look like shit, to be frank. Or to tell yourself that you're too fat to be able to attend certain things or you're not ready enough to go to the gym because you just don't look a certain way and building kind of anxiety around yourself with, uh, and stopping yourself and taking action, and that was kind of the. The running commentary I had for a large portion of my life, like the commentary I had for myself, was like a movie that was very, a very, very negative movie. Um, and I wouldn't have hired that person either because I just wouldn't want to sit around them.

Speaker 1:

So when I had the, the realization of the kind of narrative that I was carrying around myself, I thought, right, well, this narrative needs to, needs to get the sack and I need to hire, hire a new narrative. So this is where I kind of came down to the bottom line, where I thought, okay, right, let's build an old identity, the one, the one that I, that I sat with 10 minutes ago and I thought, well, what does that girl look like? It was for me, I always called it, I called it the Michelin man, and that was the old Sophia. Um, where old Sophia used to not think that she could go to the gym or not fit in the clothes that she really wanted to wear, sophia that just lacked self-confidence and sometimes just took a back step and was quite hesitant on life. So I thought, look, let me. Let me have this old identity here and let me build a new one. What would the new Sophia look like? What would her actions be and how would she progress and what kind of things would she do in her future in order to get her to where she needs to be? And when I kind of separated the two mentally, I could identify when I was kind of going back to my old self and catch myself a lot quicker.

Speaker 1:

And for me that was a real mental challenge because sometimes when you're you're sat with yourself, what 20 I think was was 20, 21 at the time. And when you're sat with yourself 21 years and you have all these habits that you've built for so long, how the hell is something new going to be able to override and erase those 21 years of all the habits that you built? So, with that being said, it's not impossible and you can't, you can't unlearn or you can unlearn those behaviors. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't make it difficult because, believe you me, changing any old habits, especially if they've accumulated over 21 years, that you might repeat on a daily basis, of course it's going to be difficult to get rid of. But the the biggest thing for me was that you don't just get rid of something and then leave the space empty. You need to adopt something new, and for me, that was when I actually I remember reading James Clear's book Atomic Habits and you've probably heard me talk about this before but he talks about building habits, where you don't just discard your old habits and not fulfill it with something new, because otherwise your attention will divert back to the old, the old habit that you would have had before. So the idea is to create a new habit that's very accessible and to program yourself to lean towards a new habit and discard the old, and before you know it, the more you do that and fight with yourself not to run back to the old behavior, the the easier it gets and the more your old habits will fall through the cracks, and ideally that's exactly what happened to me.

Speaker 1:

Now. I went into the science things. I studied neuroplasticity during lockdown actually funny enough and I also listened to multiple podcasts, even Andy Huberman and all these guys, and there's science and research to show that any kind of old habits that you have, like there, there's still. There's still a file inside your brain, right, that has these old habits there and they can be activated and found at any certain time of your life, and often the certain times for you to go and take out that file that you've gathered dust on can be the triggers that you have in your life.

Speaker 1:

So, with adopting new habits and nutritional habits, you have to be very aware of what your triggers are and what's your slipping points as well. So, when it comes to nutrition and changing things in your life as well, like you need to, it is something that's deeper than just a fitness plan or a nutrition plan, because if you don't identify with your triggers, you can't disrupt them when they, when they come alive and we're triggered on a daily basis. Like no matter what, we can't go swim through life without being stressed. It's just, it's part and parcel of life, and if you've no stress, or if you know unhappiness in life, then how do you know what the good times are about? Because you just can't have a plus without a minus, and that's just the way it goes.

Speaker 1:

So, with that being said, then, like I came down to the bottom line of okay, well, what was my triggering points? And for me and for many clients that I worked with, the trigger points was emotion, and it was emotional moments, I would be triggered and my go-to would be food to be able to bring myself back to a calm state. So it was a distraction and then obviously, you get hit a dopamine then as well when you feed that distraction with something that's pleasurable and I found pleasure in food, so I had to. With that being said, then it wasn't just okay, I identify it's with food. I had to understand where was the emotion coming from? When did it happen? Was there a location that created this emotion? Like I asked, why, why, why, from why do I feel emotion? From? Why would I feel it in that location? Like everything just be so inquisitive and curious to the point where, then, you're like, okay, well, I have all this information. Now, how do I get rid of that?

Speaker 1:

By adopting something new, adopting a process or a strategy that will be able to recover myself from going back to old habits and, believe me, like it was such a long time like it, it didn't, it didn't happen overnight. Like when you think about all your habits that you've stacked over many years, and also your environment then just becomes so accessible to these triggering points that you have this automatic response by your brain, because when it's in a fight or flight response, it's gonna look for the easiest get out of jail card and for me, like my, my whole house was adopted to to allow me to kind of access these things like having convenience, convenience foods or ordering online or whatever it was. So, anyway, what happened was I'll be really honest it got to a point where I felt like I'd lost complete control, that I just was like, right, I need to get like a. I remember my brother was coaching at the time and also I got some mental health support as well. I went to a therapist and kind of got to the bottom of what was and when I did that, like it was the best thing I'd ever done, because I got to the root of something and then it meant I could create a process that actually worked, because when things don't work, generally speaking, it's because of the process that you have in place isn't like it needs to be refined, right, and. But you can't refine that process if you don't know the trigger first or if you don't understand your why.

Speaker 1:

So this is why, obviously, therapy was very helpful for me and, uh, I'm not sponsored by better help, but I genuinely would say it is such an accessible tool, um for people to be able to understand their behaviors, their habits, their emotions, their goals anything and the inability for them to excel or take action on life. And even if you're a bit of a stressy person as well, it's always handy to be able to have a conversation with someone with zero judgment. If you don't have a friend or family member that you can do that with now, by all means, I had friends and family members around me that were so amazing, but when it came down to this, I felt like I needed um. I actually felt like I needed a stranger who would give me the tools and guidance that I potentially needed when I just felt super stuck, um, so it's never like I would always say look, listen, if you're struggling with your weight or diets or whatever it is, and you don't think another personal trainer or nutritionist was is going to help you out of maybe the, the behaviors and habits that you currently have, um, then I would be sourcing a therapist that could help, because this could be literally the magic to what's ahead in terms of you changing um.

Speaker 1:

Now, parking all that aside, the kind of mindset, the getting down to the triggers and everything else, let's just move on to the diet part and nutrition and just actually understand a few things. Now I'm not going to give you a diet plan here, but I just want you to understand a few things because obviously you're probably seeing on social media and like, even if you google fitness plans, personal training plans, you will see maybe a set food template, set workout plans and they're all cookie cutter plans, right, and that's fine. These do, these do work, and some of these, if you follow them, of course they have a great process and they will work. But I just want you to know that one diet does not suit all. It really doesn't.

Speaker 1:

And there was a quote that I often see and I often would have said myself and I always say, even when it comes down to nutrition and it comes to fitness also, there's not a definite answer to everything. Things do change and I will put my hands up and say, even seven years ago, when I used to coach, there were some things I probably said there then that I wouldn't say now. And that's all how life evolves. New research is out there, new things come out and you constantly need to be updating yourself. So it's really important anyway that you do go to a personal trainer or a nutritionist who is knowledgeable enough that takes a current interest and what's currently going on in the market and also, um, yeah, that's just super, super important. So anyway, with that being said, as I said, one diet doesn't suit all right and sorry, I actually went off on a bit of a tangent there.

Speaker 1:

The one comment I wanted to say was that before I used to tell clients, if you're doing something now, if you're doing a diet right now that you don't see yourself doing in six months time, then you shouldn't be doing it, and I actually disagree with this statement, and I disagree with myself for saying this as well. So so bear with me for saying this because, yeah, basically, when it comes to dieting, there can be periods where you might do something super aggressive, if it is for four weeks and you do it for a four-week transition plan, and you might have an end game plan then to bring yourself back to a balanced lifestyle. And before I used to say, no, you need to do things like well balanced. You lose weight and you can lose it at a flexible rate where you can still incorporate a lifestyle, and blah, blah, blah, and I used to coach like this at the beginning of my career, because I was in the mindset where I felt like restriction led to rebellion.

Speaker 1:

And some people just have the mindset where they are quite resilient and they can go through four weeks of a serious diet period and they can come out the back side where they're happy to have an end game plan and then bring them back to that kind of flexible lifestyle incorporating social settings. But it is a sacrifice that they have to make and this is the thing when it comes to dieting and nutrition. If you want to be aggressive and you want to do that, you have to understand well, actually this is going to come with a sacrifice, but it's a short period of time in order for me to get the basis off. If it's a fat loss course that you want to do, so, there is methods. There is methods that you can do little blocks of dieting and then bring yourself back to maintenance. So, as I said, it's not one method suits all.

Speaker 1:

However, if you're completely destructing your health for four weeks, I would say no, why you don't need to do that. You can definitely have a great relationship with food, you can have full flexibility, you can enjoy social settings, you can actually enjoy life and you don't feel flexibility, you can enjoy social settings, you can actually enjoy life and you don't feel like you have to put yourself on pause for four weeks and then gradually, you know, phase yourself out back to the normal life that you had before, with better habits. But Personally speaking, I would always suggest, like you know, not being too aggressive, because being aggressive and restricting yourself does lead to kind of binges in some cases, people feeling overly restricted so that they end up feeling like they need to kind of go a bit crazy and AWOL afterwards. So it really depends on the mental resilience of a person as well. Have they done anything extreme before and they have? The have a tendency to just kind of be disciplined and they can. They can go from a to b. So it really depends.

Speaker 1:

But just know that if you're going to aggressively diet, make sure that it's short term enough, that it's not going to progressively um, you know, I suppose discard any sort of uh health um that you currently have now um. But there is methods and there's ways to be able to lose weight aggressively. But it like anything I always say there's no solution, there's always a trade-off. So just understand that these kind of diets have a bit of a trade-off and if you're someone who's not very mentally stable around things in general or you don't feel like you're in a great place, putting an aggressive diet into someone's routine can obviously have a knock-on effect with their relationships, friendships, clarity, focus, focus and work. So all these little things do have a ripple effect. So that's why I would have always had the thought process of actually just doing something like um, you know, consistently, and doing it at a great, at a little bit of a slower rate in order to kind of keep spinning the other plates that are around you.

Speaker 1:

But you'll notice, with bodybuilders, they will have some quite aggressive periods in their life and even bodybuilders, some of them, rebound afterwards. So, yeah, this is when, when it comes down to nutrition, these are things that you can use. You can use um short, progressive little tools and you can have diet breaks afterwards, which is a whole nother topic which I'll get into again. Um, and also just understand, if you're someone who's looking to lose weight as well, that um, dieting shouldn't be 12 months of the year. It really shouldn't like. If you look at little sprints, maybe you might diet for three months on and then you might take a break of a week and then you do another three months a week break, so it's like you constantly have something to work towards and also your body needs to recover. Constantly being in a calorie deficit as well can create your body to be under so much stress that you'll find it's hard to stick to the habits that you're trying to build.

Speaker 1:

And also, just for a mental um, a mental detach away from um dieting and kind of feeling like you should be doing something or you should be adhering to something. Sometimes it's good to have a bit of flexibility in order to give your mind a little bit less of a rigid routine, because the best things happen when you let go as well. We can't control everything, and it's okay to sometimes enjoy a little bit of extra food without any guilt, so it's normally a bit of a mental reset as well as a body reset, um. So that would be the kind of mindset around dieting and nutrition that I would share with you guys. That, um, as I said, it's not one method suits all, but if you feel like you want to aggressively diet, just make sure it's for short periods and you have an end plan. End plan is always so important you don't just rebound back to old habits. You need someone to support you for that. So that's really important too.

Speaker 1:

Um, but, as I said from my own experience, if you have any kind of eating issues, you're emotionally, or you're a female who's having, um a bit of a difficult time when it comes to your menstrual cycle or any of these things, I wouldn't recommend um aggressively dieting, and I don't recommend it for relationships either, because you can be a bit of a negative Nancy and you can, uh, be a bit irritable around your partner and that can have a knock-on effect, also with your kids too. So, um, the best, my best, uh rule of thumb, is that I will diet to the point where I'm still kind to people, but if I go outside that bracket, then it's like it's not really that worth it in order to get shredded. Um, so, yeah, um, that would be my advice on that. Okay, so, when I went through my body transformation and with nutrition, when I say mindset really matters, it really does, because when you get to a stage where you start to lose so much weight, right, you're kind of on this like journey where it just seems like less is more, less is more, and like you need to understand that your weight is going to plateau at some stage and you shouldn't identify yourself with that number on the scales as a leading level of your rate of progression, because it can be a poor measure. When you're at your baseline, when you know you can't progressively go any further, it doesn't mean that you're not progressing. Like maintenance in itself right.

Speaker 1:

When you lose a lot of weight, I always say it's not the results that are like impressive, I think it's the maintenance that's super impressive, because it's difficult to maintain a body weight. Um, when you kind of always, if you've always been losing or if you've always been building muscle, you're kind of on this journey where you can constantly see change all the time. But when you're maintaining you don't see very much change, like there's not very much happening. So the excitement kind of dies out a little bit and it can be a bit frustrating where it kind of feels like you're in this stage where you're not getting the same sort of dopamine hits when you see yourself pb'ing or you're doing these things.

Speaker 1:

So during these times or these periods, to keep your life a bit more exciting as well, I would always have like other little milestones that aren't so aesthetically based, you know. So I would be looking at trying to achieve something different in the gym or, you know, starting a new sport. Or, you know, have other goals that are beyond just the aesthetics of your body, because when you reach a certain point, there's only so far the aesthetics can go, and you'll see this with the modern world as well, where people often get fillers, botox, they get plastic surgery, and it's like, okay, they do it once and then it's like they do something again, but there's only so far you can start modifying yourself before it actually starts having a serious consequence. So same when it comes to diet and nutrition. It's like the plastic surgery situation where you see when people take it way too far. So just be mindful of that that it's not all about, you know, getting more shredded, getting like leaner, or, you know, dropping that body fat percentage. Just think of your always put your health at the forefront, you know. Am I healthy right now and now? What can I focus on? What can be my next milestone is doing, you know, 20 push-ups instead of 10, like you know. So these little things and goals are really, really important to kind of put in place for when it's maintenance stage as well.

Speaker 1:

Now we're coming up to the 25 minute mark, where I've just rambled and rambled and rambled, but today was more of a mindset matters when it comes to nutrition, and I just wanted to obviously share my story a little bit as well. Because I just feel like to just obviously share my story a little bit as well, because I just feel like it's something that I felt was very relevant to a lot of my clients, where I think, when clients come into personal trainers, sometimes you for you, don't know their history and you might just think that they were just always fit their whole life and they don't really know, um, how it feels, and it feels shit to feel shit about your body. But it's so worth the journey and it's so worth the patience to feel good in yourself, because when you feel good in yourself, you make others around you feel good and you can just achieve absolutely anything that you put your mind to, because your focus is just dialed in on the things that really matter. And I always think like nobody deserves to worry about their body and worry about food or dieting 24 7, because for me, like, if I look back, I just look at that as a really wasted period in my life, as in I was just existing, and I would hate for anyone else to go through the same. So, with that being said, if you feel like you're in this situation right now and you feel like you need any sort of support or anything like that, don't fray away from dropping me a message, as I always put in the show notes, down below as well, I have my Instagram there and I can always guide you to the best practitioners and, yeah, you know, be a pair of ears to listen if there's any concerns, as I made this podcast basically just to share my own story, my clients experiences as well, and any kind of relevant information that I read, from research papers down to podcasts, to books and any of the courses that I've done.

Speaker 1:

So I always think you know information can be useful if you spread it. So if I keep spreading any useful information and I hope I can help at least one person who listens. So, again, thanks very much for listening. I really appreciate it, and if you enjoyed this episode, please let me know and share it with your friends or anyone you feel who's struggling with nutrition and just needs a bit more guidance mentally, more than actually the diet alone, because there'll always be a diet out there, there'll always be a fitness plan. But if you don't fix the mind, then the body will not follow. So anyway, guys, take care and see you in the next episode.